Glam Guru Pillows

'Why is it you spend hours plucking out your eyebrows...Then you draw them back in again

'Come in, Helen's just putting her face on.'

Modern day mirror.

'Ok, ok... I'm coming but with all those CCTV camera about I like to look my best.'

'You mean that's all you ever read, designer labels?'

'Fake tan, fake hair, fake boobs, - You sound like the real deal - you're hired.'

I know we're only going to the shopping mall but I've got to look my best, we'll be on CCTV.

"Now here's one that has the glamour above the table."

'Something for the weekend, Sir?'

The adoration of the gels.

"Renk just discovered beard oil."

Lady drying hair whilst on exercise bike.

Use the body brush vigorously - he will enjoy it.

"... And finally, I’d like to thank the FDA for approving Botox."

Dragon Hair-dryer.

"Sure, it's more efficient. But I still miss shooting the arrows."

'You can't be serious! They wash you by dipping you in a tub of water! That's horrible!'

"Don't shave it. It gives your face character."

This cream won't get rid of cellulite...it just makes it easier to slide into your jeans.

A daily rubdown with a beard brush will wrangle awkward bristles and train them downwards...

Dating is so expensive...

"Be creative...!"

Emergency Hipster Beard

Diamond outfits

'The siege is working my lord. They have food and water but no beard oil. I reckon they will surrender in 12 hours or less'

"Too much concealer?"

For heavens sake,put some make-up on!

'Wrinkles can't breathe in mud.'

"You're solemates!"

Pretty girls listen patiently. They know you'll soon get tongue-tied and won't be able to talk anymore.

"Yeah. But he's a handful."

'We've got a special this week on nose hairs!'

The Coiffing - to Illustrate poem 'The Ballad of a Barber'

"Snow White swears by these 10 products for flawless beauty."

"Face it, Clive - you're bald."