Glam Guru Gifts

'Why is it you spend hours plucking out your eyebrows...Then you draw them back in again

'Come in, Helen's just putting her face on.'

Before chatting online, many women now enlist the help of a makeup artist.

Modern day mirror.

'Ok, ok... I'm coming but with all those CCTV camera about I like to look my best.'

'You mean that's all you ever read, designer labels?'

'Fake tan, fake hair, fake boobs, - You sound like the real deal - you're hired.'

I know we're only going to the shopping mall but I've got to look my best, we'll be on CCTV.

"Now here's one that has the glamour above the table."

'Something for the weekend, Sir?'

'Do you think it might be possible that what you wear could be a contributing factor to your relationship problems?'

The adoration of the gels.

"Renk just discovered beard oil."

Lady drying hair whilst on exercise bike.

Use the body brush vigorously - he will enjoy it.

"... And finally, I’d like to thank the FDA for approving Botox."

"Sure, it's more efficient. But I still miss shooting the arrows."

Dragon Hair-dryer.

"Don't shave it. It gives your face character."

'You can't be serious! They wash you by dipping you in a tub of water! That's horrible!'

This cream won't get rid of cellulite...it just makes it easier to slide into your jeans.

Emergency Hipster Beard

Diamond outfits

A daily rubdown with a beard brush will wrangle awkward bristles and train them downwards...

Dating is so expensive...

'The siege is working my lord. They have food and water but no beard oil. I reckon they will surrender in 12 hours or less'

"Be creative...!"

"Too much concealer?"

For heavens sake,put some make-up on!

'Wrinkles can't breathe in mud.'

The Coiffing - to Illustrate poem 'The Ballad of a Barber'

"You're solemates!"

"Yeah. But he's a handful."

Pretty girls listen patiently. They know you'll soon get tongue-tied and won't be able to talk anymore.

'We've got a special this week on nose hairs!'