Girlfriend's Mother Gifts

'My girlfriend doesn't understand me, but her mother sure does.'

Shepherd and eurydice

"Behold the secret to happiness."

'I sent out for everything.'

'I wouldn't say this wine's name is long, but it's continued on the bottle next to it.'

Lady taking her little dog to the chemist with a cough

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

'The History Channel is all reruns.'

Butterfly Woman

You're my Mona Lisa.

'What do you want first - The bad news or the even badder news?'

"Just be yourself."

Prize vegetables.

"Her first word was 'paparazzi'. "

The Busy Gardener

Gender Equality

Blue Stockings - Woman revealing herself as author

"I see that he is growing as fast as your law firm."

"M'lady, we’ve reached peak Brooklyn."

Sure, he's a zombie but hey, it's nice to finally meet someone who is more interested in my brains than my body.

"Is he talking yet? I was hoping he could help me with my new phone."

'Past performance is not an indication of future results.'

I like the Jets...I guess

"A wet winter, but we're making the best of it."

"Okay, now breathe another sigh of relief."

'What would your mum say if she saw you drawing all over the wall like that?'

'Please tell me you're baby sitting?'

"Don't worry, dear. You'll grow."

'So let me see if I've got it straight. It was a very large squirrel and your husband is a nut.'

"His first out-of-body experience."

'I stay trim because of high metabolism. Theirs, not mine.'

"I spilled a red dot of paint, so I painted the whole room so you wouldn't notice it."

Self help acupuncture

It's a Whole Field of Paisley!