Girlfriend's Mother Gifts

'My girlfriend doesn't understand me, but her mother sure does.'

Shepherd and eurydice

"Behold the secret to happiness."

'I sent out for everything.'

'I wouldn't say this wine's name is long, but it's continued on the bottle next to it.'

Lady taking her little dog to the chemist with a cough

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

'The History Channel is all reruns.'

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

Butterfly Woman

"Her first word was 'paparazzi'. "

You're my Mona Lisa.

Prize vegetables.

'What do you want first - The bad news or the even badder news?'

"Just be yourself."

The Busy Gardener

Blue Stockings - Woman revealing herself as author

Gender Equality

"Is he talking yet? I was hoping he could help me with my new phone."

"M'lady, we’ve reached peak Brooklyn."

"I see that he is growing as fast as your law firm."

Sure, he's a zombie but hey, it's nice to finally meet someone who is more interested in my brains than my body.

'Past performance is not an indication of future results.'

I like the Jets...I guess

"A wet winter, but we're making the best of it."

'Please tell me you're baby sitting?'

'What would your mum say if she saw you drawing all over the wall like that?'

"Don't worry, dear. You'll grow."

"Okay, now breathe another sigh of relief."

'I stay trim because of high metabolism. Theirs, not mine.'

'So let me see if I've got it straight. It was a very large squirrel and your husband is a nut.'

"His first out-of-body experience."

"I spilled a red dot of paint, so I painted the whole room so you wouldn't notice it."

Self help acupuncture

"We've made great progress!"