Girl Talk Guru Gifts

"I know what you mean...Harold's gotten so fat he has to use suspenders to hold up his boxers!"

"Gaby broke up with her BFF? That's awful."

"Bert, I'm confused. What happens after we circle the wagons, tighten our belts and walk a mile in our customer's shoes? Is that when the chickens come home to roost?"

"What's that? I asked for a teal lichen. That's a brown thread. Are you trying to upset me?"

CLOTHES-HORSES OF THE ART SCENE

Handbag store - "Perfect."

'You gotta learn to talk, Jeffrey -- it's part of the aging process.'

'We live in difficult times. These underwear don't help one bit.'

News and Magazines. Celebrity gossip. Sports scandals. Political bickering. We're out of the "information age" and well into the "too much information age"!

Create some buzz!

"And now here's Cathie with the hypothetical portion of the news."

Annual run-off at the mouth.

'She's so put together!'

The difference between cosmology and cosmetology.

'Good news - basic black is being shown this season.'

A women in a shoeshop.

"Most of these pelts were suicides."

"I feel like we've walked into some sort of epidemic of hipatitus."

'Yak, yak, yak.'

"Absolutely not!"

Keeping warm.

"You look great. One problem though: I'm the one who goes to work."

'What's wrong? Think the walls have ears?'

"Pssst! I had some CGI done."

At the suit makers

'This is our bestselling power tie. Just put it on and clap twice.'

Mr Metrosexual.

"Diamonds are so three billion years ago..."

'Do you like my little black number?'

Men gossiping

"It's the only way I can justify buying so many shoes."

"Can you recommend a wine that would compliment a divorce?"

'Trust me, it's very proper to mix stripes.'

'It's a fake - but all the hanging around the water cooler is down 57%!'

"Everybody should live in a market economy. It's terrific."