Girl Talk Gifts

"Method works, dear, but madness takes all."

'Men are like fragments of soap... they get together in bars!'

"Don't even interact with him. He just likes to say 'Kalamazoo.'"

Annual run-off at the mouth.

'You must be Jim's new gardener. I'm his neighbour, Gerald. Had any luck with the Petunias this year? Aren't those Jim's feet sticking out of the ornamental pond?'

"You talkin' to me? You talkin' to me? Then who the heck else are you talking... you talking to me?"

'Yak, yak, yak.'

'Some of these trees have been here for 2000 years... and they still can't talk. Man, we're awesome!'

Men gossiping

Life on Earth - The original chat room.

My wife's been talking to the skin I shed for over an hour.

My diagnosis? Restless tongue syndrome.

Dialogue

Woman on the phone.

'Actually, my mom was the first to notice he'd lost that new boyfriend smell!'

"Stop squawking. Use your words."

You can't get what up

"Give her some space! She's overdosing on baby talk!"

"At least you don’t need a wetsuit."

"Guess who figured how to call 911!"

"Water cooler talk stations."

You're right, boss, there may be too much idle chit-chat, but let me talk it over with my friends.

"I'd appreciate a little more reacting to my ranting."

"Go ahead. Tell me your troubles. I promise to say 'Awww' in all the right places."

Pie chart of pub conversations

"Frankly, I just want to talk about how great I am non-stop and uninterrupted for 50 minutes every week on a long term basis."

Man's Logic/Woman's Logic

I conduct comprehensive surveys - I ask my girlfriend.

"I'll have to go now, Penny. My boyfriend keeps wittering on about something or other!"

Can I ask you a question, man-to-man? Sure, little buddy. What do "man-to-man talks" usually consist of? What? I've never really had one, I don't think. What usually goes into them? Sports? Shaving? Carburetors? A little of this, a little of that. There's a proper ratio, of course. I'm not good at math.

'Sure I talk to myself. It's the only way I can have an intelligent conversation round here.'

'No, he didn't have any last words,his wife was in there and she did all of the talking right up to the end.'

'I'm sorry, what were you saying? I was busy critiquing your outfit?'

Now showing - "What's the least noisy film we can chat through?"

'What do you mean I've wolfed that down? You've never stopped nattering!'