Gift Of Gab Enthusiasts Pillows

'Best sales rep I've ever come across!'

'Sorry sir, we've run out of parmesan cheese.'

'No swimming. No breathing.'

'Complete sentences?? Jeez, how verbose can you get?'

'He attained Nirvana in two weeks? - he's GOTTA be using steroids!'

'Colin's dying to show you how his renewable energy scheme works.'

'It's a farton, fartoff lamp!'

Little girl hoses down walkway as Santa slips and falls

'Tell your mom you coughed it up and you're guaranteed a day off from school.'

"He won't eat anything but corn."

Good Dentist ~ Bad Dentist

'Hey, mac, is this your idea of glasnost?'

'Don't you love the clean, fresh smell of the morning air?'

'I haven't had the urge for a cigarette for two days. How's the patch working for you?'

'...and don't think I didn't see that flying tackle.'

Joke Shop product - Not Funny After 10 Sept 87

I conduct comprehensive surveys - I ask my girlfriend.

"Yikes! Okay, I'm going to pretend I didn't see this."

Egypt 1896. Dr Howard Prendergast and Percy Smythe discover the tomb of King Ahktuman the Practical Joker, proving conclusively that the ancient Egyptians were the first culture to use whoopee cushion.

Undertaker with 'light', 'done', and 'RIP' settings on his toaster.

"Because it's got a goddam crack in it, that's why."

'Congratulations - you're the first victim of recombinant DNA.'

"You must see someone about your problem."

The Fart Side

Wise man scaring baby Jesus.

'He stubbed-my-toe yell sounds a lot like his chest-pounding victory yell.'

'Special Delivery!'

'Admit it you need glasses, that is my false eyelash you have just sprayed.'

This would be Andy's first and last day as golf instructor at Sunset Oaks Country Club: "Remember, *hic*....Always jerk your head up and swing at the ball as hard as you can."

Chiropodist is wearing a gas mask while treating a client.