Ghoulish Giggler Pillows

'Honey, there's a zombie at the door looking for brains,,,do we have anything for him'

"I attract all the crypts."

"What are you looking at, four eyes?"

Clown God

That's all very well sir, but is it full strength, low fat, high calcium or soy?

'Dad, do you you think there's s**t on other planets?'

STRIP Hambone: Computer company job interview

Get on with it!

'It was this big. I swear'

'I'll come in as soon as I've seen the orbits of Venus.'

The spirit in the wall would go on and ond, but Alvin never let it bother him.

'You can come out, Marmaduke. I was just kidding about putting lipstick on you.'

Fancy a pint?

Looking at belt - "One more notch, room for desert."

'You said I should check back with you if I didn't get any better. . .'

Smokers smoking on the moon, Astronauts smoking on the moon

'I can't hire you, but I can sell you some stock in the company.'

Solar Gain: "Be honest: does the new planet make me look fat?"

'He's wearing a toupee.'

"Can you write 'To Mandy - you're the best'?"

'I'm sorry for laughing Emperor Dorkbutt, it's just that in our language, well...'

"I'm the black sheep of the family because I'm afraid of the dark."

'U. . .S. .U. .C. .K. . . . L. . O. . L.'

Aliens would have destroyed us years ago if it weren't for our entertainment value.

'You Have a food allergy. Even worse it's to 'O' type!'

'Whoops!'

"Oh, oh - looks like a blue shift."

'Millions of billions of trillions of light years away? I could visualise it if you said it in MILES!'

'That was so funny. I haven't booed that loudly in years.'

'But seriously , folks, I know you're out there, I can hear you bleeding!'

'Why are ghosts bad at telling lies?'

Oh, oh... I detect traces of tree nuts... where's my epipen?

Black Hole Corks

"I can't create your bride until you make your co-pay."

Ghosts save on electrical & plumbing maintenance costs because they don't need easy access to the inside of walls.