Gentlemanly Humorist Gifts

Life of Riley #4: Panache.

'It appears he hit an iceberg.' (A LETTUCE)

Clown answers the door to a custard pie in the face.

'You're supposed to bring the newspaper to ME!'

Gifts from the House of Low Goals.

Daffodil bulbs

'Pink isn't EITHER the new black!'

'Cycle shop' selling puncture repair kits next door to a 'Sex shop' selling inflatable dolls

'You certainly lived a remarkable life. Any chance you'll get over yourself?'

"I'm feeling adventurous today, Penny – let's tack on a block."

Mary Margaret, the best bar nun.

"It makes sense when you see the second painting with the lego."

"Wow! That's an amazing welding project!"

"In mitigation, Sunny Chemicals would like to point out that prior to contracting his skin allergy, Mr Crumb was already ugly."

Surreal Ale Pub.

"Listen, the first pterodactyl of spring."

'Vacuums!'

"Of course I want to have kids, Claire - just not all the time."

Just Survived My 3rd COVID Scare Dance.

'Any idea where my night vision visor is?'

I say when life hands you a lemon, make lemonade

Jesus Seals the Hick...

'It's a good job I was trapped by my wooden leg and not my good one, son!'

"What's the difference between being addicted to painkillers and just really, really liking them a lot?"

"Could you put me 'on hold' Mom? I could use a hug."

"You must cut down on your smoking."

"Dude, don't say it..."

"I've forgotten your face but I remember your mask."

"Good news, we found a plant the cured baldness."

"This was the best school day of the week!"

"We've got to strike the setup. The patron wants organic."

I was bitten by a radioactive bedbug – My superpower is getting a solid eight hours of sleep every night. Wow. So lucky.

Dad Socks / Dad Sex

"Wisdom is growing your hair long so the hairs growing in your ears don't show

'Don't make me use my chemical weapons...'