Gentle Jester Gifts

'Guess what I'd like to see disappear next.'

Two priests share a laugh outside a confessional booth

Pappa clown views offspring in maternity window.

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

"It's great to see Biff; Socksie the cat is out of the bag..."

'Don finally figured out a way to keep the squirrels from getting at the bird feeder.'

Three card brag - I'm great! I'm really handsome & I'm very rich.

"It says here that study claims chimps and humans are 96% the same. What's your thoughts Derek?"

"I'd have been here sooner if it hadn't been for early detection."

'How am I going to get all this back in the tube?'

You make me feel more like a veterinarian than a psychiatrist, Al. Why is that, Dr. Kapuchnik? Because you're one sick puppy.

'That'll be all the mince pies and sherry!'

"At this rate I'll be delivering all gift certificates, gift cards and I.O.U.s!"

Monks play conkers with crucifix

"He's a super-calloused fragile mystic, hexed by halitosis."

"Before I start today's sermon let's take 5 minutes to view the highlights reel from the last 3 Sundays..."

'If you haven't been taking your vitamins. What have you been doing with them?'

Genetic Research Institute - "Darling we were made for each other."

'Is he taking the piss?'

"...At what point do hemorrhoids become 'just another hobby?'"

"But Wendy could serve the Lord. She'll keep the cats out."

"You'll notice it's the same list as last year. Let's try a little harder this time."

Another wedding

'Hoopla!'

Watering a plant in the rain.

"Simply swipe your card, enter the pin, and a pot of gold will be deposited into your account within two working days."

He who laughs, lasts.

Devil Puppeteer

"Respect every snowflake as you clear my driveway."

Musical Statues.

"I tried to rob a bank and failed! I tried to steal an old ladies bag and failed! So why not use as my defense, the old saying, 'You can't blame a person for trying'?"

"Wow nice jump!"

Blow Up Christmas Tree

I finally found happiness in my own backyard and then I got evicted.

"No, no, I'm just here for the relationship."