Genie Aficionados Pillows

'Some dope wished to live for a thousand years, so I turned him into a sequoia!'

New Sheik'n'vac magic carpet freshners.

Relationship counselor: 'She started behaving strangely, and our man-machine interface has become unpredictable.'

'If I told you what I wished for, you'd probably slap me.'

'No, you can't use your last wish, to wish for another three wishes!'

Aladdin's Less Magic Carpet Ride.

'Red rover, red rover, send Billy right over!'

Storm in a magic lamp.

"It'll take three wishes to get less cream cheese on your bagels in New York."

'What can you wish for?!... Oh, I don't know... Infinite wealth, beautiful women throwing themselves at your feet, fame and admiration, perhaps?... But, don't let me influence you.'

'Don't ask questions, Ralph, just tell me who you'd rather look like - Sean Connery or Robert Redford.'

"That thermostat I bought is smart. It knows how cheap I am, so it keeps our home freezing."

"No one summons me anymore. They all have oil."

"Well, I'm sorry. The 3 wishes I'm granting can't exceed the annual exclusion of $14,000."

'That's it gentlemen, we're broke. Anybody know any good jokes?'

"Okay, I fixed the leaking roof, and I moved the couch over to the far wall, but I'm sorry, I don't unblock toilets!"

Aladdin and the magic telemarketer lamp. Your first 3 wishes are free!* *By accepting wishes, user agrees to lifetime monthly charges, activation fees, and all applicable taxes.

"Then one day I thought, what the hell?! Maybe it's time I started granting a few of my own wishes."

"I'm sorry, Master, but all my offers to grant your wishes are invalid under the laws of your state."

'Sorry...I don't deal with lease issues.'

"Please mum - not the baby photos."

Welcome Bureaucrats! (Convention of bureaucrats).

"To meet the girl of your dreams, swipe right on the lamp."

"But I don't have any wishes related to food or squirrels."

Genie Barbecue.

"So, professor, in a post-industrial robotic universe, what would be the role of politicians?"

"Only three wishes, eh? Well, let's see what my lawyer has to say about that!"

'Hey! It's way too early to declare me, 'Nerd of the Century'!'

"I want to make a wish, but the problem is that this genie apparently does not speak English."

"Your third wish should have been to make the first two wishes tax free."

"And for my third wish I want a further three!"

"What, another live person?! Listen, do you have any computers over there I can speak with?"

'Rubbing it no longer produces a genie. Now you need a username, password and an unreadable CAPTCHA.'

'I can grant you 3 wishes as long as none of them are about getting up on the furniture.'

'Can you make me taste like broccoli?'