Genie Aficionados Gifts

'Some dope wished to live for a thousand years, so I turned him into a sequoia!'

New Sheik'n'vac magic carpet freshners.

Relationship counselor: 'She started behaving strangely, and our man-machine interface has become unpredictable.'

'If I told you what I wished for, you'd probably slap me.'

'No, you can't use your last wish, to wish for another three wishes!'

Aladdin's Less Magic Carpet Ride.

'Red rover, red rover, send Billy right over!'

'What can you wish for?!... Oh, I don't know... Infinite wealth, beautiful women throwing themselves at your feet, fame and admiration, perhaps?... But, don't let me influence you.'

"It'll take three wishes to get less cream cheese on your bagels in New York."

Storm in a magic lamp.

'Don't ask questions, Ralph, just tell me who you'd rather look like - Sean Connery or Robert Redford.'

"That thermostat I bought is smart. It knows how cheap I am, so it keeps our home freezing."

"No one summons me anymore. They all have oil."

"Well, I'm sorry. The 3 wishes I'm granting can't exceed the annual exclusion of $14,000."

'That's it gentlemen, we're broke. Anybody know any good jokes?'

"Then one day I thought, what the hell?! Maybe it's time I started granting a few of my own wishes."

"Okay, I fixed the leaking roof, and I moved the couch over to the far wall, but I'm sorry, I don't unblock toilets!"

"I'm sorry, Master, but all my offers to grant your wishes are invalid under the laws of your state."

'Sorry...I don't deal with lease issues.'

Welcome Bureaucrats! (Convention of bureaucrats).

"Please mum - not the baby photos."

"I want to make a wish, but the problem is that this genie apparently does not speak English."

"To meet the girl of your dreams, swipe right on the lamp."

Genie Barbecue.

"What, another live person?! Listen, do you have any computers over there I can speak with?"

"But I don't have any wishes related to food or squirrels."

'Hey! It's way too early to declare me, 'Nerd of the Century'!'

"And for my third wish I want a further three!"

"Only three wishes, eh? Well, let's see what my lawyer has to say about that!"

"So, professor, in a post-industrial robotic universe, what would be the role of politicians?"

"Your third wish should have been to make the first two wishes tax free."

'Rubbing it no longer produces a genie. Now you need a username, password and an unreadable CAPTCHA.'

'I can grant you 3 wishes as long as none of them are about getting up on the furniture.'

'Can you make me taste like broccoli?'

"I wish I could give you a pay rise, a bonus, and an extra week of vacation, but..."