Genie Enthusiast Pillows

"I grant you three wishes – as long as they're not hand sanitiser, face masks or toilet paper."

'Sorry...I don't deal with lease issues.'

'Simpkins, I'd like to introduce you to the secret of my business success.'

"Try to ask for something that doesn't involve the stock market."

'Sorry, kid. Anything but world peace.'

'Rubbing it no longer produces a genie. Now you need a username, password and an unreadable CAPTCHA.'

'I really don't think you've evolved enough for nuclear fusion... How about the wheel, instead?'

'I meant on my head!'

'Three wishes? Did I say three wishes? Let's just make it an even four!'

'Everyone wants to put me back in the bottle!'

'Sure, I could grant those three wishes, but I believe you'll appreciate the value of health, love and money more if you continue not having them.'

The genie of the lava lamp - "Peace and love my most groovy master!"

'You have to upgrade to Genie 3.o. Lamp rubbing has been replaced by a single touch.'

'I can grant you 3 wishes as long as none of them are about getting up on the furniture.'

'I have to take the kids to soccer. You'll have to take the doormat to work.'

"I can grant your wish for a billion dollars, but you can't wish away filling out an IRS Form W-9."

'Sorry buddy, no username or password = no wishes!'

Ticker-tape.

"Well, I'm sorry. The 3 wishes I'm granting can't exceed the annual exclusion of $14,000."

"And for my third wish I want a further three!"

"My first wish, is that you're not another flaming mirage!"

Genie and the lamp, "It's the delux model."

'You have one more wish left. Are you sure you want more food?'

Storm in a magic lamp.

"We get three wishes. Let's not waste them on something like 'Better coffee in the break room'."

"Sorry, but terms and conditions stipulate that a breast enhancement is actually two wishes."

"Done! Will that be all, Rich?"

"Sorry, but I can't make any promises on any wishes that have anything to do with the government."

"I can grant you three fishes."

"I wish I could give you a pay rise, a bonus, and an extra week of vacation, but..."

"A better standard of living?... Can you be a bit more specific?"

"A little lower . . . right there . . . now dig in with your knuckles. . . that's it. . ."

"There's a coincidence. When your teacher rubbed my lamp, she wished for you to disappear."

"No one summons me anymore. They all have oil."

"Wanting to view it after taxes will cost you another wish."