Geezer Humorist Gifts

Forget what those old coots told you...

Global Warmer 2000.

"You call this a constitution?"

"I certainly trust this meal is kosher."

'It's good to see you, Mr. McWit, but you do realize that today is neither Christmas or Easter?'

Pyramid (Drawn from memory) (Pretty accurate)

"Since we now have a leaking roof problem, it might be a good time to schedule baptisms."

'Flowers? From a garage? You're a darling!'

"O.K., one last big rhubarb score. But then I'm out of the pie game for good."

A woman in prayer

'Number three?', 'This is NOT a quiz!'

Pi fight!

"In mitigation, Sunny Chemicals would like to point out that prior to contracting his skin allergy, Mr Crumb was already ugly."

"...I'll send you for an amniocentesis."

'Don't throw the little silicon chips away -- we may find a use for them someday.'

Excommunicate Me.

'... And I'd like to thank my agent and everyone who voted for me... '

"I like what you have here but the title seems a little pushy."

'Are you putting on your Sunday Best, Felix?'

'I need to buy some gas, but I forgot my wallet. Do you have $18,000 on you?'

'The stuff legends are made of'

"First, do no ham."

"Gimme a break, guys, it's just until I get the hang of it."

"The Armour seems okay, it must be a touch of rheumatism."

Gas Price Reads: Way Too Much.

'I had a rough year in the market. I can't attract gold diggers anymore. The best I can hope for is a silver digger.'

'There are Jews, and then there are the JEWS who-turn-the- other-cheek.'

Early Ram Raids

"These desert mirages are virtually like being at the beach."

"See what I mean, it keeps making funny noises."

"She's a bird of pray."

"It was the hottest earth day since records began."

La Tour 2007.