Gastro Giggler Gifts

"Hey Frank, how was your colonoscopy?" "In and out."

'Ordinarily, that wouldn't bother me, except Doc did the same blindfold trick last week, when he did my colonoscopy.'

Moo! OOM!

'Henri! We found your sweatband!'

"The Sullivans have food allergies. Did you remember to bring your own gluten?"

Too Many Lawyers Spoil the Broth

'Oh man I've got a splitting headache.'

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

'I started out washing dishes, but when the dishwater tasted better than the soup...'

"I feel like we are the polyester of dairy products."

It turns out they don't go together so well,

'I think I'll go home and eat'

"After the drugstore, I need you to find fresh parmesan."

'Nowadays we want all our food to be ethically sourced, Personally I'd be happy if it was all chocolated sauced,'

E-vac-u-ate! E-vac-u-ate! . . . I've just farted. . ."

The Main Types of Cheese

"I want some long, thin square ones - for chips..."

"See this jelly wobbling. It was waving goodbye."

"The recipe said to let the chicken rest after it comes out of the oven!"

"No thanks, I'm stuffed."

"I've combined a laxative and alphabet soup. I call it 'Letter Rip!'"

'Wine, high octane grape juice.'

'For a small extra charge, we can provide a specially-formulated digestive enzyme.'

'Eight wiener dogs, and six rolls. It's just not right.'

"Fresh pepper spray?"

'This place is really classy. They bring the microwave right to your table!'

"The chef recommends the tilapia. However, I really like the vodka."

Get on with it!

'You'll find it has a bouquet reminiscent of cherries and chocolate, a silky texture and best of all, for me, a 72% gross margin.'

'To be honest I'm sick of truffles.'

Fancy a pint?

"The special is… pine nut encrusted… filet of salmon… in a balsamic wine reduction."

"Yes, he is a celebrity chef, but he doesn't have any opinions on Iraq."

The spirit in the wall would go on and ond, but Alvin never let it bother him.

'You can come out, Marmaduke. I was just kidding about putting lipstick on you.'