Gastronomy Giggler Gifts

Ethel regretted having natural gas installed.

The chef's special is roast goose with glazed pears, prepared while drinking heavily and lashing out at loved ones.

"The recipe said to let the chicken rest after it comes out of the oven!"

"No thanks, I'm stuffed."

'... we've got a crowd of, oh I'd say fourteen million organisms here for the annual 'Salmonella potato salad bowl'!'

"Chef, one of the customers is asking where we pick our fresh fungi"

"Please bring me what that guy is having."

"There's a caterpillar in my food."

"I've combined a laxative and alphabet soup. I call it 'Letter Rip!'"

Anchovies!

'For a small extra charge, we can provide a specially-formulated digestive enzyme.'

Wordplay: Gastronomy.

Vegetarian restaurant: 'Two vegetarians please.'

'I'm sorry Jeeves, I'm going to have to let one go.'

'Would that be rare, or medium rare?'

'What's for dinner? Oooo! I hope it's curry! Roast beef and mash! It's grass you idiots! GRASS!'

"This smells really funny. Is that going to be a problem for you?"

'Where do you want to go for breakfast, fancy an Australian or do you want to nip over to Hawaii?'

'Then you were mis-informed Sir, all Quail are that big.'

'Is it hot or just me? My pop-up thermometer just popped.'

Turkey Goes Into Dressing Room and Comes Out Cooked

'Hello, Book of World Records? My husband would like to know what the record is for continuous farts?'

"Yes, he is a celebrity chef, but he doesn't have any opinions on Iraq."

Too Many Lawyers Spoil the Broth

'Oh man I've got a splitting headache.'

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

'I started out washing dishes, but when the dishwater tasted better than the soup...'

It turns out they don't go together so well,

"I feel like we are the polyester of dairy products."

"After the drugstore, I need you to find fresh parmesan."

'Nowadays we want all our food to be ethically sourced, Personally I'd be happy if it was all chocolated sauced,'

'I think I'll go home and eat'

The Main Types of Cheese

"I want some long, thin square ones - for chips..."

'Eight wiener dogs, and six rolls. It's just not right.'