Gas Mask Humorist Gifts

Beaches by a power station

'The results of your physical exam are fine, except for your reflexes: They're more 'dog-like' than 'cat-like'.'

'You sloth and gluttony guys have it easy -- I'm here for envy!'

'..The wolves have got the sheep pinned against their own 1-yard line again!'

'Flowers? From a garage? You're a darling!'

Bloke orders a pizza as Jesus divides the loafs and fishes

'We've found the problem...'

Dog wearing gas mask brings slippers to his owner.

'I can't turn it off.'

Gas Price Reads: Way Too Much.

'Excuse me, would you mind...?'

And what will it be today? The mask of comedy or tragedy?

'That filet mignon was supposed to be your last meal? Whoops-a-daisy!'

'Well the dog's been passively smoking our fags for the past ten years, so I think it's only fair that he has a nicotene patch too.'

"Well at least they can't see your lips move."

"I'm not sure if that's William Shatner or Deadpool without his mask."

'We just need to increase our collision policy enough to cover the amount of damage to our car from Joy backing into our neighbor's car, rick.'

"No, that's not a typo. This baby actually gets eight gallons per mile."

"You gotta teach me that trick."

Actually without the mask, I look a lot like Brad Pitt

"Oh, and one last item, Ernie: The periodic burst of high-pitched, maniacal laughter... is that new?"

No Soliciting

Eighties Throwback.

Air Pollution

I warned you. Martinis sipped through a straw just go down a whole lot faster!

'It's the world's tallest oil slick.'

'I'm not worried about terrorists, I'm cleaning out the fridge.'

"You're not really getting this whole mask thing, are you, Bob?"

'Your teeth are okay, but your gums will have to come out.'