Gas Mask Humorist Gifts

Beaches by a power station

'The results of your physical exam are fine, except for your reflexes: They're more 'dog-like' than 'cat-like'.'

'You sloth and gluttony guys have it easy -- I'm here for envy!'

'..The wolves have got the sheep pinned against their own 1-yard line again!'

'Flowers? From a garage? You're a darling!'

Bloke orders a pizza as Jesus divides the loafs and fishes

'We've found the problem...'

Dog wearing gas mask brings slippers to his owner.

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Gas Price Reads: Way Too Much.

'I can't turn it off.'

'Excuse me, would you mind...?'

Roy felt it was important to act out any side effects that a prescription might cause.

'That filet mignon was supposed to be your last meal? Whoops-a-daisy!'

And what will it be today? The mask of comedy or tragedy?

'Well the dog's been passively smoking our fags for the past ten years, so I think it's only fair that he has a nicotene patch too.'

I like when they leave something to the imagination.

"I'm not sure if that's William Shatner or Deadpool without his mask."

'We just need to increase our collision policy enough to cover the amount of damage to our car from Joy backing into our neighbor's car, rick.'

"Well at least they can't see your lips move."

'I'm giving mostly gift certificates this year, so I wrap them with junk from the garage to throw people off track.'

No Soliciting

Actually without the mask, I look a lot like Brad Pitt

"Oh, and one last item, Ernie: The periodic burst of high-pitched, maniacal laughter... is that new?"

"You gotta teach me that trick."

"No, that's not a typo. This baby actually gets eight gallons per mile."

Eighties Throwback.

Air Pollution

'I'm not worried about terrorists, I'm cleaning out the fridge.'

'It's the world's tallest oil slick.'

'Your teeth are okay, but your gums will have to come out.'

Beggar advertises his oscar picks.

Elvis

Just another day at a British Petroleum cafeteria.

"You're not really getting this whole mask thing, are you, Bob?"