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'Tim, honey, I don't know how to say this...But...It's...It's your breath...It reeks of mint.'

Wine Lady

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

'It's not easy being green on grass!'

"Keep your glasses on. It will look like twice as much."

"I cook the sausages in French mineral water, I wear a French beret and I can call you 'Monsieur'."

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

'No, you're not calling at a bad time. I'm a professional wine taster - it's alwasys a good time.'

"And exactly how is the peanut-butter-and-jelly prepared?"

'I'm sorry, sir, but it's hats off for the Chef's Special!'

"We'd like the roasted homework for two. And fetch us a bottle of your finest toilet water."

Browned off cows. They can't pull a cracker.

"He's fond of garlic, so his bark is much worse than his bite."

"The food here is excellent- what time is breakfast?"

"Yes, he is a celebrity chef, but he doesn't have any opinions on Iraq."

"I had a Caesar salad for lunch, but that was two days ago."

"Waiter... my entrée fell over."

Haute Chinese

Join me for dinner?

Wine tasting

Man with a 'menu', woman with a 'womenu'.

'You want to eat out tonight? -- What if we get addicted to good food?'

"Soy milk and rice milk are okay but I prefer grape milk.".

'I, Dom Perignon, will now uncork the very first bottle of Champagne. Of course, I'm just guessing this is the right way to do it.'

"Sorry about the delay, sir. The manager is interviewing chefs at this very moment."

"When you said, 'Let's go out for dinner,' I thought you meant foraging. This is much better!"

'Pass the grey stuff.'

'Good thing you ordered a double portion.'

"You see, I don't believe in eating fast. I believe in savoring. I....hey, stop looking at my food!"

Cut out and keep your own Chef

"I spent all day looking for this Malbec, not that anybody cares."