Garlic Enthusiasts T-Shirts

'Tim, honey, I don't know how to say this...But...It's...It's your breath...It reeks of mint.'

Wine Lady

"Umm ... not sure what notes you'll detect on your palate, but it'll get you ripped."

'It's not easy being green on grass!'

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

"Keep your glasses on. It will look like twice as much."

"I cook the sausages in French mineral water, I wear a French beret and I can call you 'Monsieur'."

'No, you're not calling at a bad time. I'm a professional wine taster - it's alwasys a good time.'

'I'm sorry, sir, but it's hats off for the Chef's Special!'

Browned off cows. They can't pull a cracker.

"He's fond of garlic, so his bark is much worse than his bite."

"And exactly how is the peanut-butter-and-jelly prepared?"

"We'd like the roasted homework for two. And fetch us a bottle of your finest toilet water."

"The food here is excellent- what time is breakfast?"

"Waiter... my entrée fell over."

Haute Chinese

I told you I got us the best table in the house. Pizza.

"Yes, he is a celebrity chef, but he doesn't have any opinions on Iraq."

Join me for dinner?

"I had a Caesar salad for lunch, but that was two days ago."

An Excellent Nose for Wine.

Wine tasting

Man with a 'menu', woman with a 'womenu'.

'Good thing you ordered a double portion.'

"Sorry about the delay, sir. The manager is interviewing chefs at this very moment."

'I, Dom Perignon, will now uncork the very first bottle of Champagne. Of course, I'm just guessing this is the right way to do it.'

"When you said, 'Let's go out for dinner,' I thought you meant foraging. This is much better!"

'Pass the grey stuff.'

"Cancel the trip. The cook didn't get a visa."

"I spent all day looking for this Malbec, not that anybody cares."

I never heard of chunky style wine. I couldn't find any seedless grapes.

Cut out and keep your own Chef

"You see, I don't believe in eating fast. I believe in savoring. I....hey, stop looking at my food!"

"Soy milk and rice milk are okay but I prefer grape milk.".