Garden Gnome Whisperer Pillows

'This veldt makes me worry about the condition of our yard back home.'

The Busy Gardener

'If I had known it was going to be such a late Spring, i would have never started my garden seeds, indoors.'

"God, I hope no one asks me to sing."

'You say 'dead.' I say 'low maintenance.''

Something Wilted This Way Comes.

"We really need more perennials? Aren't my weeds and crabgrass enough?"

Dear Santa, please can I have a powerful herbicide for Christmas. Best wishes, Adam.

"Cheery little flowers, saying good night, saying good morning!"

Plant Lady

'We use to tiptoe through the tulips. . . now we just waddle through the weeds.'

'I used to do that, but it just grows again.'

An Unexpected Guest.

"Usually gardeners only have green thumbs, so you must really spend a lot of time in the garden."

"Looks like we grafted a few too many human genes into the kohlrabi."

'I had a wonderful garden last year. Bark beetles, aphids, mealy worms, thripes, wax seal, gray mold, and grubs!'

"No! I want to live! I want to live!"

Garden Shop - Top Soil, Bottom Soil (manure)

Garden Goddess.

'I know that bird feeder is guaranteed to be squirrel-proof, but I still think they are getting in there.'

The Gardener's Calendar: Try to Repair It...

"Ed's tree hugging was out of control."

Award Winning Gardener

"Would it kill you to give me a hug?"

...gon make you sweat...gon make you groove

'Betty liked the way her house provided lots of private space.'

Sale! Weed Whackers

"I'm losing my patience with you."

Herbophiles protest mass killings of plants.

An old man growing berries

Botany Baby!

"I say it's Kale, and I say it's spinaches shitfaced uncle."

"Can you tell the oak tree to tell the birch tree to tell the elm tree I said hi?"

"Security? There's a goddam tree in my office."

Woman in hospital has i.v. attached to plant.