Garden Gnome Whisperer T-Shirts

'This veldt makes me worry about the condition of our yard back home.'

The Busy Gardener

'If I had known it was going to be such a late Spring, i would have never started my garden seeds, indoors.'

"God, I hope no one asks me to sing."

'You say 'dead.' I say 'low maintenance.''

Something Wilted This Way Comes.

Dear Santa, please can I have a powerful herbicide for Christmas. Best wishes, Adam.

"We really need more perennials? Aren't my weeds and crabgrass enough?"

Plant Lady

"Cheery little flowers, saying good night, saying good morning!"

'We use to tiptoe through the tulips. . . now we just waddle through the weeds.'

'I used to do that, but it just grows again.'

'I had a wonderful garden last year. Bark beetles, aphids, mealy worms, thripes, wax seal, gray mold, and grubs!'

"Usually gardeners only have green thumbs, so you must really spend a lot of time in the garden."

"Looks like we grafted a few too many human genes into the kohlrabi."

An Unexpected Guest.

"No! I want to live! I want to live!"

Garden Goddess.

Garden Shop - Top Soil, Bottom Soil (manure)

'I know that bird feeder is guaranteed to be squirrel-proof, but I still think they are getting in there.'

The Gardener's Calendar: Try to Repair It...

Award Winning Gardener

An old man growing berries

'Betty liked the way her house provided lots of private space.'

Herbophiles protest mass killings of plants.

"I say it's Kale, and I say it's spinaches shitfaced uncle."

Sale! Weed Whackers

"Can you tell the oak tree to tell the birch tree to tell the elm tree I said hi?"

"I'm losing my patience with you."

"Would it kill you to give me a hug?"

"Ed's tree hugging was out of control."

Botany Baby!

...gon make you sweat...gon make you groove

"Security? There's a goddam tree in my office."

Woman in hospital has i.v. attached to plant.