Houseplant Whisperer Pillows

The Houseplant Cemetery.

"It's time to split the Hosta funkia!"

"I can't tell whether you've had too much or not enough."

"Somewhere out there, there's a girl who wants to take me home and slowly kill me."

The Fireside Jungle: But specimens should never be introduced unless you know how to look after them.

- whilst central heating is inclined to loosen their leaves."

'See, I told you it was a good idea to talk to the plants.'

Person Who Shouldn't Get Married

"I think you've overfed the plant!"

The Busy Gardener

'If I had known it was going to be such a late Spring, i would have never started my garden seeds, indoors.'

'You say 'dead.' I say 'low maintenance.''

Something Wilted This Way Comes.

"We really need more perennials? Aren't my weeds and crabgrass enough?"

Plant Lady

"Cheery little flowers, saying good night, saying good morning!"

Gardener

'We use to tiptoe through the tulips. . . now we just waddle through the weeds.'

'I used to do that, but it just grows again.'

'I had a wonderful garden last year. Bark beetles, aphids, mealy worms, thripes, wax seal, gray mold, and grubs!'

"Looks like we grafted a few too many human genes into the kohlrabi."

"Usually gardeners only have green thumbs, so you must really spend a lot of time in the garden."

An Unexpected Guest.

I hate deer! What do you have to repel them? They're awful. I've got fences. Sprays. Decoys. Tree's Tree Nursery. I'll takes these. Anything to get rid of the varmints. Ring him up, Twig. I don't know why you are so down on deer. They've been very good to you! Anti-deer.

Florabation - '..mmm...It must be spring!'

"No! I want to live! I want to live!"

Garden Goddess.

Garden Shop - Top Soil, Bottom Soil (manure)

'Betty liked the way her house provided lots of private space.'

Herbophiles protest mass killings of plants.

"Would it kill you to give me a hug?"

"I'm losing my patience with you."

...gon make you sweat...gon make you groove

Botany Baby!

"Can you tell the oak tree to tell the birch tree to tell the elm tree I said hi?"