Garden Decorator Gifts

'We thought gnomes would be a little common'.

Gnomes Weeping Variety

"Just how long has Murray been retired?"

California Gold...field of poppies with matching border

"Maybe we should cut back on those lawn catalogues."

Gardener clipping topiary stairs

The Fall of Gnome

Man looks at huge dinosaur fossil in garden, saying: 'It looks great in the rockery, but don't you think you should call the Natural History Museum?'

"Oh no, it's Flash Garden!"

Burt was a true artist and conservationist. He recycled his beer cans...Making an ornate garden wall and rockery.

'He took a fetching class.'

"Well, since his retirement from British Aerospace the only thing he's managed to do is build a bird table

'I was wondering if you could take this box of squirrels and make something cool with them, like a wolf?'

'Like I'm going to give this up to migrate.'

'Don't wear that shirt in the garden dear. Roses don't fit in with my planting scheme'

"Maybe the tree wasn't such a great idea."

'That was SO worth it!' - Christmas Tree Toppled

An environmentally sound Christmas - Plant a Seedling - Full tree in 16 years.

"After going vegan, replacing all the animal heads just made sense.'

"She's had a lot of work done."

'The grass is always greener on the other side seed'.

"Yeah, most people are surprised when they learn I'm actually a lyricist."

Bird family on top of birdhouse surveying back yard: 'This place has all the amenities, including a master bath in the yard by the Zinnias.'

Bird sees coo coo bird emerge from birdhouse

Sophisticated garden - low maintenance garden

The Arcimboldo Arrangement

"The latest news on the gardening fashion front is 'Ditch the decking'!"

'To be honest, I'm sorry I ever asked him for a water feature. . .'

"There's always someone who goes over the top with their rooftop decorations."

Dun Decking

"The garden is my résumé."

Topiary bushes in the form of pointing hands. People are looking in the directions that the fingers are pointing.

Chelsea flower show sewage

"They looked smaller on the website."

"I want a nice family Christmas photo. Now, go upstairs and put on a tree skirt."