Future Reporter Gifts

"What an excellent list - have you considered a career as a journalist?"

"Dad, how do you become a TV reporter?"

"Brilliant report, I can't tell where the facts and the fiction begins"

"I've decided to cut out the middleman and self-publish."

Card Reader in PC Supplies Store.

"This is a hell of a way to start a magazine."

'Your proposal is written with clarity and conviction. Send it up to legal for obfuscation.'

"What do you want to be when you grow up?" "Nothing. I'm going into stem cell research."

"We don't have to worry about being quiet until we're old enough to read that sign."

"Mom! Kathy's feeding her liver to the dog! Want to see the video?"

'Don't worry, he'll soon grow into it.'

"What I did on my summer vacation and how I optioned it to Miramax..."

'I need both hands for steering.'

'This is gobbledygook. I asked for mumbo-jumbo.'

Amateur Palmist

"Evidence of Bigfoot or just some clown?"

'Forget about me - what can you tell me about the new CEO coming on board?'

"My report on summer vacation. . . Book and movie rights are available for $1000 each."

Wow. You're amazing!

Panama Papers Scandal

'We want to get maximum publicity on this, Klodnik, so release it to Wikileaks.'

'STREWTH! Our firewall is down!' (Rupert and James Murdoch cease to be shielded after Rebekah Brooks resigns)

CIA Espionage

'I'll give you this, Hargrove - Your report was a perfect blend of cliches, banalities and platitudes.'

'After graduation, I plan on working in warrantless surveillance for the CIA. How about you?'

Palm Reader...

Good report, Morton, work on it a little more until it sounds like one of mine.

Cat and the Eight Ball.

"I attribute most of my problems in the third grade to the media."

Your Winning Lottery Numbers Told: 'If they are really what you say - how come you can only afford a tent?'

"...there's not a single shareholder...who will be able to understand any part of it!"

'How long have you had that toupee?'