Future Colonist Gifts

'Guess who was just named Marketing Director for THE ENTIRE DARK SIDE OF THE PLANET?!'

"Do you want to play doctorate?"

WELCOME TO KINDERGARTEN!, 'Boy, talk about psychobabbl!'

'You don't have to worry about my future any more- I just downloaded an entire college education.'

"At these tuition prices an acceptance letter is pretty much a denial."

The signing of Ben Franklin's non-disclosure agreement.

"Ambitions... to open an office on Mars. Kennedy Space Center."

Colonial Larrysburg.

"An educational toy is my immediate goal, but my long range plan is to get him on Jeapordy!"

Save Mars

"Sure, I pray all the time... English test, Math test, History test...."

Yahoo! What's that about? She got into the college of her choice. Which college is it? Not sure. She chose to apply to 37. West Fester High School.

'I had no idea there would be a test.'

'Early Laptops.'

"Class, this is Mr. Elzondo. He's going to talk about going to college."

By the year 2500, 1 in 10 academics will devote their entire career to divining the meaning of the word 'sussudio'.

"My paper is on Paul Revere's famous ride form the standpoint of media impact across select stages of the colonial decision-making process."

'That piggy bank is for my college fund.'

A house being demolished in order to make way for a road widening scheme, with the occupants being evicted.

Parental Role Model

"When in the course of human events it becomes... Oh, blast it! Adams is just going to edit the heck out of this..."

Student to kid: 'School first, then Mount Everest.'

William Bentinck

You can tell which seniors got accepted early admission! West Fester High School.

'F.G.G. First Grade Graduate.'

'I came to the new world to find something...now what was it?'

'I got them to agree to a small settlement.'

An astronaut dowses on the moon.

You will go on a trip.

'President George P. D. Q. ?3 Bush today called for Gulf War VIII'....'

Ye Olde Inn, Fine Food & Spirits.

'That should be good for quite a few doctoral dissertations in the future.'

Six months later they would be sharing the Nobel Prize, but for now all they could do was stare in amazement at what they had discovered...two incredibly well preserved specimens from the styrofoam age.'

'I'm enrolling in an online course to learn how to apply for a loan for an online university.'

'Explain to us, son, how gaining nine A levels is uncool and damages your street cred.'