Furry Conversationalist Gifts

'He speaks and now he has his own chat room.'

"Yes, I'm from London. 'Which part?' you ask. Well all of me!"

"There's really not much to obedience school. Just listen up and do what they say."

"For the girls—Kimberly, Caitlin, Lauren, Cindy, and Tracy. For the boys—Cameron, Christopher, Adam, Jeffrey, and Gregory."

"When I first arrived, Young Master was always with me and Old Master didn't want anything to do with me, nor it's the opposite: Go figure..."

"Ever feel like even when you're barking at something you're still barking at nothing?"

While old, sick, and weak animals remained targets, the lions most enjoyed culling the herd of its sarcastic teenagers.

"To be honest, I don't mind the cold, and being an introvert, and slightly antisocial, I really treasure the quiet time when the others have flown south..."

"I've told you why I need a dog. Now suppose you tell me what makes you think you might be that dog."

"Hello? Is that the canine help line?...."

"This may surprise some of your viewers, but I didn't actually want to go into the box."

"Happy anniversary, dear… 'happy wife, happy life!'" "That's because nothing rhymes with 'happy husband.'"

Bob's Marriage Advice: 'Geez, Bob. . . Now you're equating both marriage living in Florida to death?!!. . .Ah. . . so the restraining order by Disneyworld is still in effect?'

"I've never had a bird's eye view of anything."

"Do you think the birds like me?"

My wife's been talking to the skin I shed for over an hour.

'That's the corkage fee you wanted to ask about, Jack, not the cleavage fee!'

"Defense budget... Do you have any idea how much catnip $700 billion would buy?"

"Are you happy with your current ball?"

Shrewsbury - pronunciation

"I'd love to go out with you. Do I have to have time to change."

"Then he suggested we go to a leash optional beach."

"And I never kiss in the first two seconds."

"No, I don't think you have 'multiple personality disorder'. In fact, I don't think you have a personality at all."

"I've been in the doghouse ever since I tried to get my mother-in-law hanged as a witch."

Kid to kid: 'I can't be wearing out my welcome. I didn't even step on it.'

'Take this stick-drive and open the file 'John's Emotional Baggage'. It'll save a lot of time.'

"The most obvious side-effect of having a chip implanted in my brain is a constant craving for onion dip."

"I'm not a mad dog. But I'm not particularly happy either."

"When I get to heaven do you think I'll get my testicles back?"

"If you could live your life all over again, what dead animals would you roll in?"

"Why do people talk about a rat's nest like it's a bad thing?"

"I just don't get it, they don't do it themselves, so why do they insist on us sitting before crossing the road?"

"Is it just me, right, is it just me ...?"

"Tell me about yourself. Any weird genes or anything?"