Furniture Humorists Gifts

"Look, you always hated the wicker furniture and bamboo is scarce, so consider it a win-win."

'Fine stencilling. But have you never thought - Tit Willow, Tit Willow, Tit Willow?'

Frog to other frog: 'Hey, nice pad.'

'I've had the place gob-stopper-dashed.'

'Oh, just chuck it in a corner somewhere...'

Duvet nailed to the floor.

"We've decided to give you a bonus, Rick. It's any change you find under the cushions."

"Gap... Tony Soprano fit"

"Buying the largest TV on the market was a good idea. Mounting it was not."

Dog Bookends

Shaker furniture: The flamboyant years.

"The carpet really brings the room together."

"Reproduction furniture."

Fire Escapes

Valentines for Real Estate

Goldfish in Bowl, "And this is the sitting room and the bedroom and the toilet and...."

"We'll take it."

"Well, you did say that you were just looking for something to get you started on the property ladder."

Budget Recliner

'Beats me why I took this place. No en-suite, no walk-in robe and no dining room!'

Estate agents lined up for sale during house-price slump.

"I'll carry you over a regular threshold, darling, as soon as the housing market improves."

Landlord holding back a tennant from his money: 'It's all part of the service!'

'The principal says her door is always open, until it slams shut when you're in there!'

'...There's been a 20% rise in the length of time our house been on the market'

'I see this one is detached. Yes, the ones on either side fell down.'

"Were you aware you'll need to sign over your wife & kids as collateral in order to secure this property?"

"Do you know what DFS stands for? Designed for Scratching."

Man escaping prisoner via feng shui

"Her name is 'Precious', but her nickname is 'why we can't have nice things.'"

Duck has human t-shirts on wall.