Furniture Appraiser T-Shirts

'Sir, comfortable chairs wear out. Only the very unconfortable become antiques.'

'What am I bid for these genuine Queen Anne legs?'

"Man's best friends."

"I may not know much about art, but I do know what's suitable for framing."

'It's genuine 17th century satsuma - and the pair would have been worth ?14,000.'

'This one's good if you like to toss and turn all night.'

'...So you claim this is genuine Rembrandt?'

"Thrilling news, sweetie! The National Gallery's entire collection of Velázquez is now attributed to you."

"A hole half this size sold for 340,000 acorns last week! No inspection!"

'Have you any idea just how little this is worth?'

"It's been unanimously decided that we don't like this table. Could you show us another model?"

'On today's market a property like this could fetch 175k... but with themed rooms, stone cladding, avocado bathroom suite and garden gnomes, you're talking closer to 95..!'

"I've had you appraised."

'Of course I'd never fire you, Nelson. You've been working here for such a long time, you've become part of the furmiture!'

Authentic Rinkelmier chair (Built 1723)

'Darling...I'm afraid the sofa salesmen got the better of me.'

"It's obviously an original."

'What are they worth? Well, it's difficult to put a price on such extraordinary works of art. How much you got?'

House for sale, appliances included (in the yard).

"Can you guess how much it will be worth after you die?"

'BBC Antics Roadshow'.

I brake for anything discarded that I can bring to the antiques roadshow.

'I don't think firms need to worry about borrowing money as long as the money is invested wisely.'

Furniture. I don't care what style. I just want a couch that matches her fur.

Frenchy Fries, one of the world's greatest art forgers

'I highly recommend this painting if you're into art as an investment.'

'I suspect, Madam, that this Van Gogh is a forgery.'

"It's too good. I think it's going to be a forgery, not just a copy."

'Now we come to what it would have been worth'

'Well, it WAS worth nine thousand dollars. Sorry about that.'

Mondrian's The Accountant

“What we have here is an old moral compass. How did it come into your possession?”

Valuation of Heaven

Antiques Store with a bin outside with a sign saying 'Not for Sale'.

"She says she's from Quality Control. We've failed the furniture inspection."