Property Appraiser T-Shirts

"Yes, I know what all the comps say, but my house is special."

Brookfield Historical Society LandmarkThe Captain Benjamin Ingham HouseBuilt in 1768 for $550 and 2 Tons of CodfishPresent Worth $3.5 Million, But Could Easily Bring $5 Million.

"I don't care if Lassie lived in it. It's not worth 500 grand."

"A hole half this size sold for 340,000 acorns last week! No inspection!"

'Eve, have you ever wondered just how much this property's worth?'

Land Sale

'Just look at it! The lot alone is worth an underwater mortgage.'

"I may not know much about art, but I do know what's suitable for framing."

'It's genuine 17th century satsuma - and the pair would have been worth ?14,000.'

Man sees sign stating dog for sale, house and land thrown in.

"One day, my boy, all this will be retirement homes."

'You always bring me the same thing every year, toys games sports equipment. I never get what I really want!' - 'What's that?' - 'Real estate!'

"Look, son, real estate."

"Thrilling news, sweetie! The National Gallery's entire collection of Velázquez is now attributed to you."

'...So you claim this is genuine Rembrandt?'

"I think we could be very happy here until we aren't."

'Have you any idea just how little this is worth?'

'On today's market a property like this could fetch 175k... but with themed rooms, stone cladding, avocado bathroom suite and garden gnomes, you're talking closer to 95..!'

"I've had you appraised."

"You're unlikely to find anyplace on the market that is truly impregnable."

Home Sweet Second Home.

"I'm a real estate developer and I'm just looking over this area."

"This one has nicer sand, but I think I prefer the tree on the last one we saw."

'What makes you think the basement leaks?'

'So what if you found it? Whatever it is, it belongs to ME! Now, get off my beach!'

"Darling, there's an offer for a time-share nest in Florida: Should we apply?"

"It's obviously an original."

"Ok Mr. Bisley, I'll admit it does need a bit of renovation..!"

'This is close enough.'

Dog Realtor

'What are they worth? Well, it's difficult to put a price on such extraordinary works of art. How much you got?'

'Don't wait too long to decide. A house with a view like this can go at any minute....'

'It seems good, and he said the bit at the bottom is the name of the architect.'

"And the bathroom has a water view...if you fill the tub."

'A free goldfish with every house you buy!'