Fur-parent With Sass Pillows

"What I want to eat? That's easy. Anything you don't have."

"I think she's figured out what W-A-L-K means."

"I have your gender reveal results. Boy, girl, boy, boy, girl, girl, boy, girl, boy, boy..."

'I know he doesn't like this house, but he'll just have to get used to it.'

'Oh, really?... I'm actually more of a dog person.'

'It's okay - he knows how to use the GPS.'

'Rover isn't any good at catching frisbees. You've heard of stone hands?...he's got a stone mouth.'

Babies vs. Dogs

"Just gotta wait 'till she wakes up."

'Just taking the dog for a walk, Dear.'

"My owner is teaching me to think before barking, which gave Federal Express plenty of time to clobber me."

Fleas Navidad.

'Who had the ocean whitefish and tua paté?'

Walking the dog - 'surprise'!

Dog wearing jumper to hide his spots.

'A bone is a bone is a bone...'

'We've tried everything else without success and have now made the decision to adopt.'

When is he coming home buddy?

"Stop asking me. I don't know who's a good boy."

'Max and I have a give and take relationship. He sniffs my butt...and I let him.'

"Helen, Don, you're probably wondering why I called you here today. I'm afraid the answer is achingly simple: I can't get down."

"I'm beginning to worry she might work out who is really in charge."

'I heard him mention your name, what does neutered, mean?'

"In obedience school, I was voted 'Most likely to chew a slipper'."

"And they say WE have a shedding problem!"

'We've GOT to get the bullet out,,,'

'A vet!! Take Princess to a vet?'

'She feeds me, walks me, washes me, and picks up after me...yet...I'm supposed to be man's best friend?'

"Pampered?"

"He says he can quit anytime, but I'm starting to worry."

Dog and man on couch

Cat to owner: 'Define 'affection'.'

Vets: 'That's funny, he was here a minute ago.'

"You've got to lay off the homework."

"He's sending an instant message."