Fur Family Mediator Gifts

"On scale of 1 to 10, with 10 being 'can't live without him', how close were you to the cat?"

'Hey, look, I can stand up and shout, too!'

"His name is James Tom Dave Jon Lee Robert Glenn Joseph Tony Sam Barnes. We didn't want to hurt any relatives' feelings by not naming him after them."

"Cheers mate, you've done me a solid."

"If we can't find the way forward, let's find the way back."

"Alright, alright! I'll stop buying the cheap stuff, OK?"

Men Working Things Out

"Go ask your mother ... and I'll tell you why she's wrong."

"You'll hear from my lawyer."

'I'm with my minister father and my senator mom through the week and my senator mom through the week. I'm the ultimate division between Church and State.'

"The emotional support goes both ways."

"Just sign it, or I'll post YOUR old report cards on social media."

"Someday, my dimwitted son, all this will belong to your sister."

'I'm NOT being a tattle-tale! -- I'm being a reliable source!'

"Jeez, calm down, Bill. We're not saying you're wrong... Just that you're an idiot."

'Oh you mean that silly little email.'

"So what if you were adopted from the shelter! As fas as I am concerned, you're still my brother and I love you! come here..."

"I'm sorry madam but we don't make them go missing."

'Hoping to help me with dinner, are you?'

'Um...Excuuuse me?! Apparently you've forgotten the household peacekeeping policy.'

The Supreme Court, Juvenile Divisio: "As usual, the obvious precedent for this case is the children v. Mommy."

"My client, whom I shall refer to as your son, has retained me to represent him in these negotiations regarding an increase in his allowance!"

A policeman and protester in the same family.

"You shouldn't be ashamed of yourself. A lot of parents aren't smart enough to help their 7-year-old with their homework."

"Occupiers have often forced people who are polar opposites to live in one artificial 'country'."

"We want to make sure that your wish for us to give you grandchildren has nothing to do with your concerns about future vacancies at your chicken processing plant."

"I'm sorry, 'Because I said so' is not an acceptable answer."

Cat steals food from owner who is distracted by feeding the dog.

'Hers his. That's not fair.'

'I know I should be thankful I have a good home, but if he talks baby talk to me one more time, I swear I'll go for his throat.'

'And if you think it isn't yours I'll see you at the DNA testing!'

"Your mother and I are separating because I want what's best for the country and your mother doesn't."

"Of course I hear it when you say 'come'. I just choose to ignore it."

The Downside of Nepotism