Fur Baby Devotee Pillows

"Wait, what? What are all these videos of other cats doing on her phone?"

"No no, I said sit!!"

'I see! And, just how much will it cost if she is in season?'

"I think she's figured out what W-A-L-K means."

"Why, you little Shih Tzu."

'Oh, really?... I'm actually more of a dog person.'

Bathing the dog

Rusty starts to have very violent thoughts toward his tail.

'Yes I know I'm intelligent and famous, but I'd trade it all for a good old belly scratching.'

'Nothing impacts my lifestyle choices more than a veterinarian with a scale.'

"Look, children are just pathetic substitutes for people who can't have pets."

Fleas Navidad.

"Here's the baby's first birthday, her second, her third, look at her gifts..."

"...do they teach manners at obedience school?"

Fur Baby

"I'm not his best friend. But he is in my extended network."

Cat Zoom Meeting

"Your motivation is that you're a dog and it's food."

"Back when we got him, Rufus was a child substitute. Now he's just a dog."

Upper East Side Dog Park

'I'll bet you taught him that!'

'I do not pamper the dog, now get out of his chair!'

"It's a good boy!"

'That's right...he'll lick you to death.'

"Helen, Don, you're probably wondering why I called you here today. I'm afraid the answer is achingly simple: I can't get down."

Cat and owner sticking out tongues at each other.

'We've GOT to get the bullet out,,,'

"Congratulations. It's a litter."

'Oh there you are...you naughty girl! What have you been up to this time?'

"Well, it looks like you found Rexy's sweet spot!"

'She feeds me, walks me, washes me, and picks up after me...yet...I'm supposed to be man's best friend?'

Pet Adoptions

"Pampered?"

Dogs are smart enough to understand human commands. Cats are smart enough to ignore them.

Cat to owner: 'Define 'affection'.'