Funny Survival Tales Gifts

"Why? Did you want one?"

"Davina McCall: Life at the Extreme takes a celebrity to the most extreme places on Earth!"

For his next book, he would write an epic novel of the sea.

'Dear Diarrhea, Day 84. Well, I'm constipated again today...'

'If we hadn't outsourced the staff, we could've eaten them.'

'No, I didn't know it was hunting season - why do you ask?'

Robinson Crusoe's blog.

"That's 'Help' with an 'H'."

'Silly me. I thought his 'Catch and Release' bumper sticker referred to his philosophy on trout fishing.'

After 73 days, the coconut would finally be his.

What? I had to fire our flare gun at him before he fired his flare gun at us!

'If it wasn't for you darling - I think I would go crazy!'

"Holy water, holy water...."

'Bottled water or other non-carbonated diet beverage!'

'I wish I'd never seen Lost, now.'

Early detection was rarely helpful.

"At least she got it to squeak when she tripped over it."

"I lost my way and wandered through this white hell for five days before your brave rescue dog found me and saved me from starving to death!"

'This photo is hardly suitable for your misery memoir.'

"We both knew this day would come, Samantha... I'm leaving you and taking the kids."

'I'm kind of a survivalist myself. I roast my own coffee and distil my own gin.'

BARBER

"The kitchen sink. . . actually I DID pack it, it's the one over there on the left."

"I'm next time I spring for the personal Wi-Fi hotspot..."

'Ferguson's not at his desk -- He must be sleepwalking again!'

"This better be high tide."

'What luck. It's Kosher.'

'You go ahead. I just don't feel like drinking this afternoon ...'

Deflating Island

'Our mirage proves this part of the Sahara is still very French.'

"For the last time — there is no ‘other woman’!"

"The problem is, you never know if they're ripe until you bite into one."

Suddenly Billy realized that his grandma was right...Now that he was grown up, he did have to beat the women off with a stick.

"I told the missus I'd be pottering around the garden all weekend."

Stay in school.