Funny Phantom Enthusiast Pillows

"How did the marathon go?"

"She's fine. She just needs some tofu."

'The ghost walks this passage every night Monday to Friday. He has weekends off.'

"Can't you do something more creative than messing around with cupboard doors?"

"To be honest, I don't believe in ghosts."

A spider is afraid of another spider's mask.

Ghost School.

'Look behind you. . . Just kidding.'

"So besides opera and lurking, what do you do to relax?"

Horror Stories.

'Every new year Gym membership goes up - for the Panto season.'

"Sweetie, I'm back from the dead!"

'I'm sorry, we don't serve spirits.'

"I gotta cut you off, Pierre. That's your tenth 'pretend Manhattan' since you got here."

"May I recommend THIS property? It's ideal for first-time haunters..."

"Old timers are quick to tell me that the drive to Abilene was different in their day."

'Your deceased husband keeps saying: don't call him. He'll call you.'

'There's an imposter among us!'

TV Interactive panto - Remote control buttons: Oh yes it is - Oh no it isn't.

'Egad! It's the ghosts of sanity past!'

'Is there a lady in the audience whose late husband says he never did put up that shelf?'

"The Ruin is under new management. Specters will manage wraiths, shades and spirits. All others report to be spook resources. Bonuses will be based on team work and synergy."

'It's only fair Geraldine. I had to meet your parents.'

'Sweetie, I'm back from the dead!'

Mime father in the delivery room.

God Bless America, God Help Syria

"At long last we've discovered evidence of a poultrygeist!"

'It's only the library ghost - he was a great poet but a failed novelist.'

"When I grow up I'm going to be a ghost writer."

"Lately, I've become more spiritual, and less religious."

"The big one dropped his weapon, but keep an eye on the little one. I think he's still armed."

In Which the CEO Takes a Meeting with His Pet Senator

"This one seems perfect, but do you have it in red?"

"I never understand what you're trying to say."

"I'm the ghost of Christmas Tree Future, and honestly, it doesn't turn out well for you."