Ghostly Humor Enthusiast Pillows

'Seriously, Earl, if you say you've got a bone to pick with me one more time, I'm out of here.'

'The ghost walks this passage every night Monday to Friday. He has weekends off.'

"Can't you do something more creative than messing around with cupboard doors?"

One vampire tricks another behind a mirror.

"To be honest, I don't believe in ghosts."

"So besides opera and lurking, what do you do to relax?"

"Oh it's not haunted, it's just really old and nothing works."

"Sweetie, I'm back from the dead!"

'I'm sorry, we don't serve spirits.'

'Your deceased husband keeps saying: don't call him. He'll call you.'

"May I recommend THIS property? It's ideal for first-time haunters..."

'Is there a lady in the audience whose late husband says he never did put up that shelf?'

"The Ruin is under new management. Specters will manage wraiths, shades and spirits. All others report to be spook resources. Bonuses will be based on team work and synergy."

'Egad! It's the ghosts of sanity past!'

"Your veins are too narrow. Let me get our in-house specialist to help."

'Sweetie, I'm back from the dead!'

She kept Dracula at bay with an episode of the Archers.

'It's only fair Geraldine. I had to meet your parents.'

First Transsylvanian Blood Bank

'It's only the library ghost - he was a great poet but a failed novelist.'

"At long last we've discovered evidence of a poultrygeist!"

'Oh great, these guys again! The big guy can't fit inside the MRI scanner, sheet boy falls right through it, and The Count's images never develop...'

"When I grow up I'm going to be a ghost writer."

Haunted museum

The response of a spirit during a seance is in fact an annoyed neighbour.

"I'm the ghost of Christmas Tree Future, and honestly, it doesn't turn out well for you."

"You put it on backward, dear."

"From here on out it's term and conditions."

"You see a haunted house, I see a house with good bones."

"You shouldn't be here. Your dead - and don't have an appointment."

"I want you kids to always follow your hopes and screams."

"Do you believe in ghosts?"