Funny Moments Fan Gifts

"What the hell took so long?"

I've got something to tell you, Axel, but it's kind of upsetting, so you should really be sitting down. So

"After this, miss Darrow, tell your boyfriend to meet you for lunch at the front entrance like everyone else."

"It's a letter from the Vatican. They say that whilst walking the streets without stepping into dog poo is nearly as miraculous as walking on water, it's not sufficient to canonize me!"

Kid to pastor: 'Which office is heaven?'

Competitive Eating Competition Competitive Vomiting Competition,

'Now, remember...let me do the talking.'

Clown's Cuckoo Clock.

Malfunctioning geyser

'Your mother makes a wonderful spoiler.'

"This does not make us friends."

Son burying his dad in sand

'You're going the wrong way, Ben!'

"No worries. I'm well-prepped and ready for anything they might throw at me."

"I hab peenut buffer stok to woof of my mout!"

'I was walking past the washers and dryers and one of my socks disappeared.'

"What an awful morning. I left home without my phone."

"Next time your virtual fish dies, please don't try flushing your computer down the toilet."

"The computers are down. You'll just have to suffer and go outside and play."

"Do you know why we pulled you over today, sir?"

Even before we began to order in, my dad was always keen to skip the dishes!

Letting Go

'I must be growing up...I took a bath without being told to!'

"I walked up to this hot girl with two drinks in my hands, and she turned to me, smiled and said, are you lost, Grandpa? The toilets are back there."

'I'd like to return this snake. It's suffering from reptile dysfunction.'

"It's the only 'L' word you can click on."

An awkward moment during the coronation...

"So, is this your very first visit to a massage therapist?"

'And...?'

'The party at school was awful! -- The teacher didn't like the Valentine underwear I got for her.'

"Remember when I was a little kid and cried when I had to go to the dentist?"

"Here's Lori's black bean soup, but I'll need the container back — my mother-in-law's ashes were in it."

'Your knees are wandering.'

'I'm looking forward to when he's 5 years old so I can boss him around.'

'Do you know how hard Daddy had to work to get all those dinosaur brains?'