Funny Moments Fan Pillows

"What the hell took so long?"

"It's a letter from the Vatican. They say that whilst walking the streets without stepping into dog poo is nearly as miraculous as walking on water, it's not sufficient to canonize me!"

Kid to pastor: 'Which office is heaven?'

Competitive Eating Competition Competitive Vomiting Competition,

Malfunctioning geyser

"This does not make us friends."

Son burying his dad in sand

'You're going the wrong way, Ben!'

"I hab peenut buffer stok to woof of my mout!"

"No worries. I'm well-prepped and ready for anything they might throw at me."

'I was walking past the washers and dryers and one of my socks disappeared.'

"What an awful morning. I left home without my phone."

"Next time your virtual fish dies, please don't try flushing your computer down the toilet."

"The computers are down. You'll just have to suffer and go outside and play."

"Do you know why we pulled you over today, sir?"

Even before we began to order in, my dad was always keen to skip the dishes!

Letting Go

'I'd like to return this snake. It's suffering from reptile dysfunction.'

An awkward moment during the coronation...

'I must be growing up...I took a bath without being told to!'

"I walked up to this hot girl with two drinks in my hands, and she turned to me, smiled and said, are you lost, Grandpa? The toilets are back there."

"So, is this your very first visit to a massage therapist?"

'And...?'

"Remember when I was a little kid and cried when I had to go to the dentist?"

Working from home

'The party at school was awful! -- The teacher didn't like the Valentine underwear I got for her.'

'Your knees are wandering.'

'Do you know how hard Daddy had to work to get all those dinosaur brains?'

"Here's Lori's black bean soup, but I'll need the container back — my mother-in-law's ashes were in it."

'I'm looking forward to when he's 5 years old so I can boss him around.'

'That's the last time you have a sip of coffee.'