Funny Lunch Story Collector Pillows

'Casey laughed so hard at lunch milk came out his nose...or as we say now... he had a liquid food malfunction.'

Clown's Cuckoo Clock.

'...And the best he can do is a bunch of gophers?'

'That's my weird Uncle Benny. He claims that he was abducted by aliens in white lab coats.'

"I've put every one of those vital master copies through here, and it took ages. Where do the copies come out?"

"No, I don't think you 'new break shoes', I think you need new break feet. You are supposed to depress the brake pedal you know."

'He's a blight on the whole neighbourhood.'

"I've been window-shopping..."

Bell Hop

Schoolboy with lunch box.

'-but the fire's on the GROUND floor!'

'Back in '83 I painted my entire den white with those little bottles of correction fluid. That was the golden age of office supply pilfering.'

I told you I lost it in the sun.

"There, there, dear. It's perfectly normal for a new bride on her wedding night to shit like a goose on her husband."

"You know what would compliment this meal? A nice vintage milk of magnesia"

A frog catches an insect truck.

'Can we postpone this? I'm out of lighter fluid.'

'Son, it's time we told you. There are some people in this world who don't LIKE brussels sprouts...'

'Take this and use it to make really dumb jokes.'

You insist on having the last word don't you?

"It's the only 'L' word you can click on."

'It was owned by a little ol' lady who didn't drive it. She used a motor scooter on Saturdays.'

Be polite to your acupuncturist at all times. A basic life lesson hard learned.

'I've known you a long time and it's time I told you the truth, I'm not really a person, I'm just a suit full of chickens..'

'The following video contains scenes of swearing and violence' - Family holiday

"Just back from lunch . . . I needed to stretch my legs."

"What does it look like I'm looking for?"

'I have reason to believe that my sister is getting a bigger allowance than me. I think you and mom should be more forthcoming and transparent.'

'My wife is a circus clown. We got our lunch boxes mixed up again.'

"Stop staring!"

"Sure, the cow jumped over the moon, and he also burned up on re-entry."

'I'm sick of all these men's virility enhancement TV ads. . . they're embarrassing to watch!'

The Awful Lawfuls Chapter 2

'Jack lost his job as a door-to-door salesman. He went through 7 cases of samples before ringing his first doorbell.'

"...then my date shows up early and I'm still covered in mud. So embarrassing."