Funny Holiday Memory Pillows

'Let's go early you said. We'll miss the crowds...'

Christmas in the Fish Bowl

'Dang, again we're going so fast that we caused a disruption in the time-space continuum.'

"How could we be short? You had enough chocolate for everyone on our list!"

"I think I preferred it before he became an equal-opportunity employer."

“He’s timid, very shy. I rescued him from some wacko who tried to steal Christmas.”

"We can do this the easy way or we can do it the hard way ..."

'Looks like no Christmas bonus this year.'

Father Christmas Painting Robins.

'No sharing gifts! You get the Teddy Bear, he gets the bone.'

"All it will do is move crime to the South Pole."

'We can always cook it one half at a time.'

"Could you help me fit nine days work into five and still see my family?"

Bug hanging up stockings

Do you think room service could bring me an ice lolly?

Santa's Helpers

'I've prepared a self-evaluation which you can refer to when you do my annual review.'

"These are my little helpers - social worker,child psychology, risk assessment,health and safety, paramedic and compo for kids."

"I like it here but if Santa doesn't get better WiFi I'm getting a new job."

"Oh, as long as he needs you, Santa's a great guy. But once things slow down and he wants a little vacation time with Mrs. C., it's 'goodbye North Pole, hello crappy temp job!'"

"Talk about close calls! Harry, tell them about last Thanksgiving!"

Santa Claus delivers present to man stranded on desert island.

We've Placed These Cookies Here To Learn More About You.

Don't you yell at him, he couldn't remember where he buried you!

Santa's doner kebab - Santa, one of the reindeer has gone missing.

'Now dear, it may be Thanksgiving, but stop referring to your aunt's gallbladder as a giblet.'

'HO,HO,HO,WHY ARE YOU AFRAID OF SANTA CLAUS??!!'

'After you ask him for the pony, ask him to pay for your college education.'

Dog's Christmas list.

'No, it doesn't have to snow for Santa to get here. He probably drives a big four-wheel-drive SUV ... '

"I see you attending a family reunion, where things get quite heated."