Funny Holiday Memory Gifts

'Let's go early you said. We'll miss the crowds...'

Christmas in the Fish Bowl

Mighty Man Of Justice Goes Christmas Shopping Part 1

"How could we be short? You had enough chocolate for everyone on our list!"

'Dang, again we're going so fast that we caused a disruption in the time-space continuum.'

"I think I preferred it before he became an equal-opportunity employer."

“He’s timid, very shy. I rescued him from some wacko who tried to steal Christmas.”

'Looks like no Christmas bonus this year.'

"We can do this the easy way or we can do it the hard way ..."

'No sharing gifts! You get the Teddy Bear, he gets the bone.'

Father Christmas Painting Robins.

How to spot the infrequent Mass attendees.

"All it will do is move crime to the South Pole."

'We can always cook it one half at a time.'

Bug hanging up stockings

"Could you help me fit nine days work into five and still see my family?"

Do you think room service could bring me an ice lolly?

Santa's Helpers

'I've prepared a self-evaluation which you can refer to when you do my annual review.'

"Darling, do you remember where I put the insurance policies?"

A centipede's Christmas stockings

"These are my little helpers - social worker,child psychology, risk assessment,health and safety, paramedic and compo for kids."

"Talk about close calls! Harry, tell them about last Thanksgiving!"

"Oh, as long as he needs you, Santa's a great guy. But once things slow down and he wants a little vacation time with Mrs. C., it's 'goodbye North Pole, hello crappy temp job!'"

"I like it here but if Santa doesn't get better WiFi I'm getting a new job."

Santa Claus delivers present to man stranded on desert island.

We've Placed These Cookies Here To Learn More About You.

Santa's doner kebab - Santa, one of the reindeer has gone missing.

'Now dear, it may be Thanksgiving, but stop referring to your aunt's gallbladder as a giblet.'

Don't you yell at him, he couldn't remember where he buried you!

'After you ask him for the pony, ask him to pay for your college education.'

'HO,HO,HO,WHY ARE YOU AFRAID OF SANTA CLAUS??!!'

Dog's Christmas list.

'No, it doesn't have to snow for Santa to get here. He probably drives a big four-wheel-drive SUV ... '

"'Frankenstein' is Jewish. I'm Irish on my mother's side because she was green, and an 'O' Houligan'..."