Funny Foodie Gifts

'These are my dieting glasses. They magnify the food so I think I'm eating more than I really am.'

'You're supposed to just lick the cone!'

"Hi, Honey. For dinner we're having Shis Kabob."

"I forgot to take a pic of the tacos."

"Mmm, a stinky cheese sandwich!"

Welcome at the Healthful Restaurant. We allow neither cholesterol, GM food, colourings, dust nor guests.

'We're starting a new diet today -- do you want your tofu scrambled or fried?'

"I'm going to be an activist when I grow up."

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

Frank and Ernie's Diner. We're all out of pressed duck, sir, but I can put the squeeze on some chicken for you.

As I say, local produce, locally produced; all our meats tonight come form our local meat processing plant.

"And your baskets include dead crickets, old socks, mice guts and toilet water."

Weight Loss Counselor, out for a 400 calorie lunch.

Vegetables VS Junk Food.

"Today's special is puréed sweet potato on cracker."

All you can eat chicken $3.95: "Cooked is 20 dollars extra."

'It's beans OR toast, not beans ON toast.'

"I don't care what Siri said. Wheaty Puffs are good for you, so eat them up."

'Sorry to keep you waiting, sir.'

'No, you can't complain to the waiter about the vegetables floating in your soup. It's vegetable soup!'

'Trust me, Madam, that fish is fresh!'

'You're eating all the wrong food.'

"In addition to the menu, we have a few specials on the board."

'Trouble cutting pickled onions.'

The Chef's dumplings were his speciality.

'You'd better cut it into six pieces I don't think I could eat eight!'

"There - now it's a mashed potato. Anything else?"

Couple in restaurant, "Sorry it's slow, Chef's got the runs"

"May your year be pear-fect."

Isaac Newton Discovers Gravlax

'Waiter, your tip's getting cold.'

"Will you be dining a la carte or heading straight over to the trough?"

"Eat your greens. . . and your pinks and yellows and blues."

"....My wife and I are strict humanitarians."

'The diet plate is just like the regular plate, M'sieur, except that you have to eat it through a tennis racquet.'