Funny Foodie Gifts

'These are my dieting glasses. They magnify the food so I think I'm eating more than I really am.'

'You're supposed to just lick the cone!'

"Hi, Honey. For dinner we're having Shis Kabob."

"I forgot to take a pic of the tacos."

"Mmm, a stinky cheese sandwich!"

Welcome at the Healthful Restaurant. We allow neither cholesterol, GM food, colourings, dust nor guests.

'We're starting a new diet today -- do you want your tofu scrambled or fried?'

"I'm going to be an activist when I grow up."

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

As I say, local produce, locally produced; all our meats tonight come form our local meat processing plant.

"And your baskets include dead crickets, old socks, mice guts and toilet water."

Vegetables VS Junk Food.

Weight Loss Counselor, out for a 400 calorie lunch.

"Today's special is puréed sweet potato on cracker."

'It's beans OR toast, not beans ON toast.'

All you can eat chicken $3.95: "Cooked is 20 dollars extra."

'Sorry to keep you waiting, sir.'

'No, you can't complain to the waiter about the vegetables floating in your soup. It's vegetable soup!'

'Trust me, Madam, that fish is fresh!'

'You're eating all the wrong food.'

'Trouble cutting pickled onions.'

"In addition to the menu, we have a few specials on the board."

The Chef's dumplings were his speciality.

'You'd better cut it into six pieces I don't think I could eat eight!'

Couple in restaurant, "Sorry it's slow, Chef's got the runs"

"May your year be pear-fect."

'The diet plate is just like the regular plate, M'sieur, except that you have to eat it through a tennis racquet.'

'Waiter, your tip's getting cold.'

"....My wife and I are strict humanitarians."

Isaac Newton Discovers Gravlax

Kebab doner card

"Will you be dining a la carte or heading straight over to the trough?"

"Eat your greens. . . and your pinks and yellows and blues."

Butchers playing draughts with black and white puddings

'You heard right - a large pizza, half pepperoni, half mice.'