Funny Family Gifts

'If you haven't been taking your vitamins. What have you been doing with them?'

Help!I am being forced to eat vegetables

'Your trainers really whiff.' - 'Yeah, they're awful, aren't they?!' - 'Do something about !!!' - 'Oh, I see...'

"It's a letter from the Vatican. They say that whilst walking the streets without stepping into dog poo is nearly as miraculous as walking on water, it's not sufficient to canonize me!"

'Are we there yet?'

'Oh dear. He's got my eyes.'

'You're one of my kids? Really? I'm so sorry, I have so many it's hard to remember them all...'

"Your mother and I want to make your 21st birthday a moving experience. We'll help you pack."

'I'm about to have a tantrum. What are you doing?'

Fat Kid 14- Gets re-animated

"I'll bet she was worn out by the end of teacher's meeting day."

"Two boys from legal to see you."

Baby cries into a cellphone.

"I've got something to tell you,Dad-I don't like fish...I mean I REALLY don't like fish...I HATE fish,Dad-there,I've said it now."

'Dad, are you sure this is building the right muscles for football?'

Great job on the color! Thanks. It looks totally natural. Hi, Twig! Hey. Success! She didn't notice. "Mom dyed her hair with Gatorade."

"So tell me, Wallace. Has someone gobbled up my Viagra again?" "No. Wait. I thought they were delicious candy mints!"

"But you said I should serve our guests the can of peas!"

"Being a parent is like being in prison. . . except we don't get the hour of exercise."

'...you'd better get yourself a good lawyer!'

'Are you sure you didn't swallow your cell phone? I keep getting a dial tone.'

'My wife and I can't have dogs!'

"I'd like my son seated in the first row."

'Shh, let me do the talking.'

'You're making a marble cake? Did you run out of eggs?'

"Which one of my fiendish offspring defaced the bordelaise recipe with SpongeBob?"

Adult Absence Notes.

Dad... this 'Book' thingy - where do you plug it in?

"One day you'll thank me for embarrassing you in front of the entire Internet."

"Mom said I can't watch TV until you finish my homework."

'Man pushing pram with baby.'

'Baby's got his first blue tooth!'

'Daddy-if we didn't have Mummy how would you know how to drive?'

"When I said you could use other materials with the sand, I was thinking shells and driftwood."

'Can you do the dishes, love. I'll do the school run.'