Funny Domestic Life Pillows

'I thought we agreed we weren't going to go to bed angry anymore. . .'

"See? I told you changing his food would be traumatizing."

"Evidence suggests she was working on the puzzle, got up to make tea, husband enters and puts last piece in..."

Hungry child

"According to this article, snoring can result in justifiable homicide."

"Man's best friends."

'Darling - I think it's time to stop feeding the birds.'

"Want me to talk to the squirrel's mother, or would you prefer to handle it on your own?"

"Do you recall the exact moment the balance of power shifted?"

"Just a brief moment, Linda, to thank you for my delicious meals. And if you need me by your side... just whistle." "What fresh hell is this?"

"See that stain? My wife did that, not me. All her, totally her fault."

"My dang neck is killin' me again." "That's because you left your dang hanger in your coat. Again."

'When you asked me over for a home-cooked meal, I assumed you'd be making it.'

'Rabbits make great pets, but it's best to have them one at a time.'

"Oh look—he fell asleep when you told me about your day."

"And remember, woman... I'm the one who wears the sassy pastel yellow toreador pants in the family!"

“Can I have her now? Hey! My turn.”

'Actually, she's turned out to be a very clever pet. Watch when Rex stands up, she'll feed him a biscuit.'

'Honey, I'm home - for good.'

"I was ironing the curtains and fell out of the window..!"

"Do we go out or do we stay home and open a can of worms?"

Always Compatible

'Seriously!? ... Well it's apparent I didn't marry a handyman.'

"Damn. These must have shrunk in the wash." "I don't think so."

"But I use all of them!"

'... And your wife says; don't bother looking for the key to the drinks cabinet, because she's hidden it where you'll never find it.'

"Not tonight. Margie wants to watch some guy deep fry a duck on cable."

"Do I have to go out again!?"

"You think you hate me now, but just wait until I'm old and a burden to you."

'She just came down the stairs without walking.'

'Who put Grandad's teeth in the aquarium?'

"Harold! Don't forget to get the eggs!"

"Honey, close the fridge door while you're thinking!"

There were a million things Alexander Hamilton hadn't done

"You forgot to pick up the dry cleaning. It's written all over your face."