Funeral-themed Items Gifts

Funeral for a Cartoonist

"That's not a progress chart, that's the bosses salary chart!"

'He was hosting a business dinner for 300. Those were his last words.'

'I used to be an accountant but I found it too depressing.'

"He intends to die with dignity, he desires a modest funeral, and he's determined to prevent the buzzards from getting any part of the estate."

"Hope you don't mind—it was his last request."

Dead Man's Handel

"Just to be clear, you want suicide doors installed on your hearse?"

"Rate your experience and you could win an Amazon gift voucher."

"They’re burying him with his Xanax."

"Now there's one less conspiracy theorist in the world - or is there?"

Bug Funerals

Go Now, Pay Later/Pay Now, Go Later!

"It's nice, but how do you adjust the sleep number?''

"We will now observe a moment of silently checking our BlackBerrys."

'I feel ridiculous!'

'There's no talking to him when he's like this.'

Cat in Hearse

". . . ashes to ashes, dust to dust, a handful of ground coriander, the zest of a lemon. . ."

Dog Park and Pet Funeral Home.

'This sucks. Let's try and start the wave.'

Gravedigger

"Would you like to speak to our sorrow sharer?"

"Bradford was more of a death recliner than a death bed kind of guy."

At the funeral of the inventor of the hotdog bun.

'Well it was his request to be burried in a flat-pack coffin.'

Viking Funeral

Ignitas

"Why didn't you give granny flowers...when she could water them herself?"

The final stage of Terminal Political Correctness.

"She looks so natural, although I prefer cremation."

"She looks sooo good."

"We were out of embalming fluid so we stuffed your wife with wild rice."

"Grief takes many forms. But don't worry, we're here to help you fill them out."

"We're about to go live. Prepare to mourn in 10. . . 9. . . 8. . ."