Funeral Curio Collector Gifts

Coffin in funeral home reads: Display Copy Only.

"You're on a what?!"

'My luck, I buy a bottle of wine from 450 B.C. and it's still five years from reaching maturity.'

Cat statues on entrance gate

Barristers

"I got a swiss army hook!"

'Being stuck on a desert island is one thing, but being struck on a desert island with a hoarder...'

Posh Easter Egg

'I don't think I've ever heard of the Geezer Scouts or Geezer Scout cookies.'

'It's a statue of St. Francis of Assisi. I had it specially made for my hospital.'

"My goodness, no! Grandfather would never, ever let us near this!!"

News of the Day - Savings Bank.

John Ixon: Ran Out of Survival Tips.

A mummy begs for change in front of the pyramids.

In the House of Picasso, the Cat: "You beast, you've eaten all the first class stamps again," Madame accuses Timothy.

'It even tells time in metric minutes.'

"Did you hear? It turns out old power cords are really valuable! Good things Dad kept them!"

The Unknown Attorney: The First To Double His Billable Rate.

Man tried to unload a ship in a bottle.

An old gentleman speaking with a shoeblack at a train station

"Hi honey, do we need anything for the junk drawer?"

Museum of dog memorabilia

Victorian Secret

"Everyone is so cynical these days."

Mr Punch's Design for A Statue to Miss Nightingale

I brake for anything discarded that I can bring to the antiques roadshow.

'Jack and the Beanie stock'

"I knew you was mad when you tried to sell me to them "American Pickers" fellers."

"I'll take it."

"I like this one. Do you think it will look good when knocked from the table to the floor?"

'Village store and Food museum'

Sports Memorabilia. It's not an autograph. It's a drawing scribbled by Mickey Mantle. A Yankee doodle!

'Ever try beating a ploughshare into a sword?'

'You've been on eBay again haven't you?'

Frankenstein Collectibles: Buyer Beware