Funeral Planner In Training Gifts

Quicksand Swamp - Cheap Burial Plots.

"It is now that moment when a close family member tries to speak of the deceased without choking up."

"Promise me that if I die first you won't eat me."

'Yes, death signifies a cosmic change of address. Alas, your husband's mail will not be forwarded.'

'Oh no! I forgot to change his ring tone to the funeral march!'

'While I'm here, what are your favourite hymns?'

"Given a choice, would you prefer to be buried, cremated or converted to fossil fuel?"

"Right before I die I'm going to swallow a bag of popcorn kernels."

"What do you mean, what's my favourite hymn?"

A signaller directing pallbearers

"I know I agreed to hold a funeral for Wendy's goldfish...but did she have to ask Reverend Clark to officiate?"

"When I die, I'd like to die having sex..."

"It's just that they usually ask for their ASHES to be scattered!"

"What if you go under before I need to?"

"We need to talk about your driving. Some of your passengers have been complaining."

'I tend to bury stuff.'

Coffin floating out of outflow pipe.

'You'd look good in that.'

'Do you think there's anything after death?'

'Yes, we can easily place a gallon of Rocky Road in with your husband.'

'He arranged it himself. Let's face it he really was the skinflint's skinflint...'

"I want my ashes scattered over Bergdorf's."

"Of course, in life he was allergic to them."

'I wouldn't be seen dead in a cardboard coffin!'

"Hell of a way to end the summer."

"The doctors said it's just one of the side effects of the medication he's on."

'If we do meet again in the after-life, you don't know me, o.k.?'

O'Leary's Monuments

RIP...snores are coming from the grave.

Tombstone: 'Paul F. Nelson, Doing the Dead Thing Exclusively at Greenmeadow Cemetery since Sept. 25, 2005'

"He will be remembered by his Google Assistant."

Sympathy Cards

"This is where your grandfather is buried."