Fundraiser Foodie Gifts

'For tax purposes. . . we can deduct our $7.00 dinners on our tax return. . . the food wasn't worth $7.00. . . they only gave me one scoop of corn.'

'I sent out for everything.'

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

"Boil, toil and trouble, I wish I'd never started this risotto."

"I love this place—its food, its ambience, and its political goals."

'I'll have the crab cake, and he'll have the crabby cake.'

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

"We only got six days of funding."

"I'd like the garden salad with the blue cheese dressing, and my mother would like me married by age thirty."

"My emotional support dog ate my comfort food."

Every barbecue has its winners and losers.

Ice Cream Surgeon

What the Doctor Ordered

I was holding out okay, until he made it into crumb cake.

'Sorry sir, we've run out of parmesan cheese.'

"When I was your age. I was really smelly."

"Even the waiters here are organic."

I'm looking for a man who can meet my needs - Cream meringue master-chef.

"You do like octopus?"

'This might be the common ground we've been looking for.'

'Oh man I've got a splitting headache.'

Cow's Last Will and Testament.

'My diet's good...I'm two weeks ahead of schedule.'

La Table

Fast food. Even faster food

Newton discovers gravity and apple sauce in the same day.

"Easy for you to say - you're cured!"

'On the contrary... I'm too tough for the steak!'

"To paraprase Nietzsche, there is no pleasure with out pain au chocolat."

"Rump roast?"

Two books: 'The Joy of Cooking' next to 'The Joy of Dieting'.

'Due to the poor response to the roof repair fund we cannot afford to lift the rafters when rejoicing in song.'

"The space aliens who abducted me wanted to know what it was like to be loved...I wasted no time."

'He made an excellent jelly.'

Cut out and keep your own Christmas Caterer.