Fuel Industry Satirist Gifts

New Uses For Excess Coal

'This country is on the road to ruin.' - 'Well, it'll never get there in this traffic.'

'Let's just wait here until the federal stimulus returns.'

Made in China

'Let's hope the new norm means that less really is more.'

'The recession is over, again.'

Fuel bill gone through the roof

"But there's no way in hell I could afford Jupiter today."

"Allow me to introduce Recession. Recession is here to stay."

Backlash industries: makers of the macro-chip, bigger, slower..and it even makes mistakes

'So I'll become a CEO of a dummy corporation.'

Early Attempt at Quantitative Easing.

"We need a market icon that reflects the ridiculous market conditions..."

'The reason I have been able to keep my job through these turbulent times, is that I welcome change, especially if it's from a vending machine.'

The Euro - R.I.P.

Money god

'Okay, let the minutes show we're not absconding with the money until the economy improves...'

'Wait a minute....!

'...and the Nikkei closed down on the day.'

'I'd recommend against investing in hog futures - what sort of future could a hog have?'

'My firm has scrutinised your budget and determined you could save a fortune by sacking us...that'll be £300,000 please!'

Investments.

'Flowers? From a garage? You're a darling!'

"About your tax refund—would you like to donate it to help pay off the national debt?"

'You wouldn't threaten your bank manager...er...maybe...'

'Stocks plummeted today, on forecasts that tomorrow will be warm and muggy.'

Euro Bait

Positive Trend, Dreadful Outcome

"The interest rate can't go any lower, so if necessary, we'll have to go back to pounds of flesh."

"It's this trend that leads us to believe we should supplement our oil commodities with investments in some of the Earth's rich vinegar and crouton reserves."

'The price of a stock will fluctuate on these three factors...'

'This Libor rate scandal gives new meaning to the term 'Fixed'-rate mortgage.'

The Eurozone Explained

'Due to current market conditions, I'm recommending that my clients invest heavily into pain medication companies.'

"Wow! Good news - the line is getting shorter!"