Frustrated Golfer Gifts

Remember that club you threw last month and couldn't find?

"I'm very glad you found a relaxing activity to enjoy during your retirement."

'It looks like I'm finally going to break 70.. this is my 69th club I've broken.'

For sale - used only once.

Let's see, that is one..two..three shots into the water.

'It seemed like a great place to set up shop, in case things won't work out well next door'

"He missed a hole-in-one by an inch and a half."

The Uncle Vinnie Insomnia Open

'Do I take it that you will not be requiring my services on the back nine?'

'Did you see my ball come by here?'

"At least my putting has improved."

Too many beers at lunch?

"Hold on ! Hold on! When you said you'd played this game before at school...."

TOLD YOU TO TAKE LESSONS FROM GOLF PRO

'I am so very frustrated! I know it's hard for you to understand, but you don't know the golf course.'

When Paul finally emerges, his partner is gone, and he is left to finish the round with a cooler of beer all to himself and no one to catch him cheating.

'According to my bank statement...THEY are overdrawn.'

"I'm guessing this is the first time Jack's had a chance to make par?"

'Replace divots'

'It wouldn't be so bad to play golf in winter if the balls were just another color.'

'You had enough power in our cell phone to make one last call, and instead of getting us rescued, you cancel your tee-time?'

'When the computer senses that you are in a hurry, it automatically slows down.'

'A remote controlled golf ball! Yes, of course!'

'You may have misunderstood about Yompville being a country club prison.'

I need a credit card, I'm tired of my cheques bouncing.

Books. Ernest Hemingway Festival. Did you read Hemingway's book "Across the River and Into the Trees"? No. I didn't even know he played golf.

'Actually, it's funny you should say that - I'm bored stupid too.'

'You don't qualify for a loan or a credit card. We can, however, over you a free bank calender.'

"Sid, is there anyone we can contact for you?"

Missing Ball.

You'll knock 'em dead at that outdoor sports event this weekend.

Golfer thrashing about. The pro looks on and says 'Look, try missing it'.

Acme Insurance - "He can never get anyone to play with him."

'Just like his mood swings.'

'It isn't hail. The club just over booked the course.'