Frustrated Flier Gifts

"This bag is carry-on, and this one is kick-drop-throw-and-pile-on."

'I love the mountains and all, but I simply can't do this....I'm just too chicken.'

Felix suddenly remembers what the string on his finger is a reminder of.

"Ideally we're keen to go somewhere that they're not trying to kill us."

'Relax, folks, he just did that for me. When I get the hiccups, a little scare never fails to cure them.'

A man jumps out of a window to avoid an injection.

'Price at the pumps.' 'Glass of wine then?'

Ryanair refunds

'I always ask for a seat in the tail. You never hear of a plane backing into a mountain...'

Speed laws occasionally enforced.

Road Construction Blues.

"Miss, I'm familiar with the 'Fasten Seatbelt' sign, but what's with the 'Check Engine' light?"

Road signs.

"The possibilities are endless!" "The possibilities ended."

Passing lane ahead - slower traffic speed up.

Bob landed in Hell. And to make matters worse, they lost his luggage.

"Bad news. Our luggage went to the same place my old job did."

"Sometimes, I wish we'd never invented football."

Man sees boar running down road and yells, 'Road Hog!'

"If I hear one more buzz I will pull this car over!"

'Thank you for calling the Zepco mattresses hotline...'

"This passport is so weak that I need a visa to enter my own country."

Airplane Catches Woman's Washing.

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"If you would like to listen to music while you are on hold press 1, If you would like some quiet time to work out how much this call is costing press 2, if...."

Intelligent Navigation Device...

Motorway lane for 'Pricks and idiots only'.

'Test Pilot.'

"I know it's yesterday's ticket! - That's when I got on this bloody train!"

"We get your point about legroom, now please put them back in the cabin"

"Our maintenance crew is fixing a problem that should only take a few minutes but which will haunt you for the duration of the flight."

'It starts up OK, then gets stuck in traffic.'

'We need a third runway for all the ministers flying to India and China to tell them to cut their carbon emissions.'

"Man, how I hate these Friday afternoon gridlocks!"

'I hate flying. Thank God for terra firma ... or terra mushy ...'