Frugality Faker Gifts

He knew it. She was cheating on him again. Buying brand-name products and putting them in bulk containers. You know, just to appear thrifty.

"We were able to retire 6 years early by canceling cable & eliminating anything fun."

Thrift: have your arms and legs amputated, use a pillow for a bed!

So I'm "cheap." It's a perfectly good word. And it aptly describes my interest in conserving resources. I suppose we could call you "thrifty." Heavens no! And waste two whole letters? I see we've only wasted one whole tea bag.

'If by 'great', you mean 'terrible', then yes, we have plenty of great beers for under $4.00 a six-pack.'

"Ten Dollars?! I can't eat that." Bob was on a strict low-cost diet.

'That's what I thought, finances are tight: She's switched to no-name cat food...'

Thrift: New way to eat eggs (avoid needless transport costs).

"In the current market, it's just more practical."

My 5-year-old nephew cut his hair! His mom was so upset until she thought: 'Wait a minute! I just saved 12 bucks!'

'It's cheaper than gas.'

Clancy Strip: Money and Beer

'The scariest story I know is escalating health care costs.'

'How much did you save this year?'

'The sick economy isn't why J.B.has cut back on spending. He always was a tightwad.'

Doris was determined to save money on cat parlour fees!

Welcome all to the monthly gathering of Tightwads United. Hi there. Hello. Hey. On tonight's agenda: Dumpster diving, coupon clipping, and a special lecture. How to carpool while always getting the other person to drive. I'm like a god. Woohoo!! Yeah!!! Clap clap clap clap clap clap clap. Tightwads United.

'Withdrawal symptoms.'

"Years of penny-pinching really paid off. The price of copper just went up again."

'It took a six hour operation to remove this fiver from your fist.'

'Less spare change under the cushion is my leading economic indicator!'

"I always say; 'You don't need to spend a lot of money to have a good time on a first date."

"Is that neat whisky?"

Martin hated dining alone – but loved the savings.

"He can afford a bigger cage. His old tax forms line the bottom."

Pandora's box.

"That's too big a pill for me to swallow, Harold!"

'Gentlemen, it's time we tightened our belts.'

"Okay then, what wine do you have if we go up to the four-dollar range?"

"Do you have something cheap but with a really expensive label?"

Right now my brother Al is paying a psychiatrist a hundred bucks an hour to hear his troubles, while I'm drinking beer and telling you mine at happy hour prices. Obviously, Al IS the crazy one.

"Do you have this in an $11.99?"

'Well, you're bankrupt, but look on the bright side -- it only cost you eight dollars per transaction!'

"... And how are you enjoying the cheapest bottle of wine on the menu?"

"Do you have a dollar menu?"