Frugal Spender Gifts

'Maintenance' first then 'Rent increase' on apartment blocks

Take pity on me. I can't give much this year. What is this heresy, son? I didn't get a raise this year, got furloughed this summer, am behind on my cable bill, can't afford proper dates. But it's the holidays. Think of the needy. Pierre in flat-panels has a new baby. Sandy, the mobile device manager, toils so hard for your business. And don't forget Apple. It's got to make its quarter. Computer Villa. Customer service. I shouldn't just think of myself. That's better. I'd like to upgrade all my d

"It was rated on all the travel websites. 'Best economy tour'."

Cheapskate Cruises

'Phone for help? Are you mad? Have you any idea how much it costs to use a mobile abroad?'

"I can't believe I'm paying $5,000 a month for you to stream Intro to Psychology when I get all of TV for $15.99."

"It's only until the gas prices go down and I can afford to drive the car again. Maybe you should have an ambulance follow me."

"To keep warm in winter you're looking at a new central heating system costing £20,000."

"Once again, how little did you pay for this room?"

Everything for a buck.

"Sure, you can buy them another round, but is this really how you want to spend your MacArthur Grant?"

"Why pay for a tree in November when you can get one off the side of the road in January for free?"

"I know we have to cut costs, but is bringing only one of each a good idea?"

"C'mere, space heater."

"This is your great, great uncle Orlando. He was a great mathematician, but a little cheap. He always picked up the check at restaurants...but only to make sure the math was right."

'Most of the dental floss gets thrown out on used. No wonder I'm always broke.'

"I know one secret! Not spending $30 on a book filled with common sense!"

'I wish you'd put the heater back on Frank! Even the wall ducks have gone somewhere warmer!'

"Fuel poverty is not the same as being too mean to switch the heating on...."

"Why can't you just buy some modern LED lights?"

"He's given up trying to find anything else he can cut to reach 40% savings."

"There's no getting away from the numbers....only by forgetting holidays, giving up drink, the cinema, meals out and socialising...will we be able to afford any quality of life when we retire."

'Two can't live as cheaply as one, but we will get double - occupancy rates when we travel'

"They've worked out the can save money by sharing toilet reading material."

"If I promise to come back serval times, can I get the group rate?"

"It's about time the price of generic drugs went down! Oh, and give me fifty quick picks."

'We've all had to cut costs a smidge.'

"Well, maybe money can't buy happiness, but I'm willing to try."

"I balance my manic compulsive buying with manic buyer's remorse."

'Well, you did insist that our travel agent find the cheapest tickets to Hawaii.'

"Murder, eh? They nabbed me for bargain-hunting without a license."

No Frills Psychiatrist.

"If this doesn't work I'll turn on the heat."

"I want to be cured of some very destructive buying habits."

"He quit online counseling. This gives him the same sympathy, but cheaper."